It’s the time of year again It’s always that time of year where allegedly
well-meaning albeit totally naïve humansdecide to throw “theme parties” at the
expense of entire races. Sometimes they’re shrouded in language like “pimps and hoes
party” or “fiesta party” or “enchanted forest” party, but guess what? We all realize
that what you actually mean is “come dressed as the most offensive stereotypes
of Black People, Asians, Latinos, Native Americans Indians etc., that you can
muster…” AKA cultural appropriation, or when you hijack
part of a culture for personal use without permission, not out of respect or tribute,
but because OMG Native American headdresses are SOOO cute!
So what might it look like if a bunch of people of color threw a White party?
Imagine your surprise and dismay to see a brotha standing at the snack table eating a mayonnaise
sandwich saying things like “well that’s just how things are in John Boehner’s America…”
or “don’t clean that up, we can get our maid to clean it for way below what we’d
pay our kids to clean it!” or “if White people can say cracker, why can’t I?”
Would it be okay with you if an Asian girl stood in the corner taking pictures mocking the
shape of your eyes? How about a bunch of party-goers joking loudly about how “ GIRL! Jenny Lewis
dropped an album in the middle of the night and white twitter is going nuts!”
Check out Maria and Jesus doing the step-and-clap on the dance floor! You can tell how much
they love Bastille by how much further from the beat their claps become as the song goes
on… How would you feel if someone came up to you
and asked, “hey! Would you like to play Edward Chardonnay hands?” while burning
a bunch of money because they don’t know that all White people aren’t rich like how
all Black people aren’t poor or all Asian people aren’t Chinese or how all Mexican
people don’t drive low-riders. What if Tre forgot to dress like a White person
at the party and then everyone just stood next to him and opened up a hip donut shop
until the cost of just standing there was too much and he was forced to move?
Gentrification: 1. Tre: 0. What if while you were expressing how the
imagery made you uncomfortable Jerome brought his friend Brad over and explained that Brad
says the party is fine and not offensive, and that Brad’s individual white feelings
about it trump everyone else’s full stop. Plus Jerome studied abroad in England for
3 months, so he has a deep understanding of the complex cultural traditions of that area
and omfg he wants to adopt a white baby. Would any of that make you uncomfortable?
Are you picking up what I’m putting down? Because then maybe, JUST MAYBE, next time
you won’t wear a culture as a costume, okay? Because it sucks. It’s tacky. And like most
parties, it makes me wish it was socially acceptable to stay home and watch Netflix
instead. …Also, if I’m still invited, can you have
Brittany make that guacamole she made last time? I think she got the recipe from Pinterest.
But…it was really on point.