What I learned from my first Relationship…

What I learned from my first Relationship…


This is a story about my first ever relationship It’s a story about consents and valuing how you truly feel Whilst it only lasted three months and you’ll find out why it abruptly ended I’m hoping this will serve as a message to anybody else that may be testing the water with being in a first relationship Or any kind of relationship and to know that if you are ever uncomfortable You can and should be vocal about it Always honor how you’re truly feeling I won’t be going into too much details. So if you came here looking for a juicy intimate and passionate story You’re in the wrong place, bud But I will say that while my BA first in animation doesn’t qualify me to be giving advice in any way This is purely a reflection as a 26 year old Looking at how I saw the world as a 13 to 14 year old so, you know Discretion is advised as well as common sense Anyway on with the tale So I changed in appearance quite drastically from 12 to 14 years old and not necessarily in a good way I decided to do a little experiment to see what it would take to become a popular girl I ended up dying my hair bleach blonde, I plucked my brows I mean, can you believe that thick brows were generally considered uncool back in 2007? I guess you could say they were Frowned upon I started wearing makeup and.. Began to diet which eventually spiraled into a long-term eating disorder that controlled most of my everyday life until I was 22 Do not recommend this Most unfortunate of all this behavior was reinforced by the fact that I did, in fact start drawing attention Other kids started noticing me boys took an interest in me So I guess my little sick science project proved successful to the dismay of humanity as a whole. Let’s all facepalm together now In my first comprehensive or high school, we had mandatory after-school clubs on Wednesday Yeah, that’s right. You were forced to attend to be frank I found it loathesome if I had actual friends to laugh and joke with it might have been a different story But as you can imagine sports clubs aren’t so appealing when you’re consistently the last one to be picked Not because I was bad at sport. Though in my third year (year nine for the Brits)
Where you at fam? They introduced a new woodworking club.
Now this.. This was my jam or.. this was my sap
Should I say? More prominently this would be where I met technically my first boyfriend, my first ever romantic experience Which in a few months, I’d learn a lasting life lesson from Cody was tall, slim, was subtly nerdy but also exceeded an air of confidence More than anything he had cute hair I was always a sucker for interesting hairstyles Despite him being in my year I’d never actually really seen him before This wasn’t entirely uncommon with the way our year groups were splits But as we started talking we immediately hit it off Our task at the woodworking Club was to build birdhouses for the school grounds And of course me being me went above and beyond in creating some elaborate Blueprints for this bird mansion essentially. Cody liked my idea so he was working with me. Inevitably we were forced to water down our original design But we laughed and joked every step of the way
and I forgot all of my worries in the world I felt like I had a real friend I wanted to be around him more. I couldn’t wait to see him.
We started organizing to hang out during our lunch breaks We were texting more and more. I started getting butterflies in my stomach whenever we were together Or whenever I got a message from him, I felt like “Oh, gosh, is this what it is to like-like somebody?
Is this what flirting is?” One day out of the blue one of Cody’s buddies approached me “Cody wants to see her he’s waiting for you downstairs.” I’m trying to do an internal screaming noise. How do you do an internal screaming when its internal? No So I March over to the dimly lit entranceway between the south side of the school and the the back outdoor area Where he was waiting for me This all seems so dark and romantic at the time and my heart was honestly beating out of my chest “Amy I’ve always loved you”
No, no no, no, no enough of that. That’s not how it went It’s not like the movies real life is really messy.
Don’t expect that I mean, it seems so dramatic at the time, but it was more along the lines of “So… Do you want to like, go out?” “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” “Uh… Yeah?” “Yeah, okay” Teens, we’re all inherently awkward I mean I was generally a shy teen but I must have got swept up in the moment Or maybe I was just thinking of the stuff that happens in the movies because I rushed forward and kissed him I vividly remember saying
“Huh. You taste like cookies” Then going ABSOLUTELY bright red,
realizing that I’d , uh.. Unintentionally said that out loud Thank the Stars the Bell immediately rang allowing me to just dart off and hide my beet colored cheeks He smiled and called after me.
“I’ll text you later” “You taste like cookies.”
Oh, why did I say that out loud? For the first few weeks of our “Relationship” I was still writing the high of this uncharted territory excited Every time I saw him on my lunch breaks, we would talk and joke around and had the occasional kiss I was more than content with this. I thought we were best friends, but he had feelings for me, too Everything that young teen me wanted
Everything that young teen me was comfortable with But that didn’t last long
Because that around a month in things started to change and.. I wasn’t so cool with it He started becoming more pushy and being more outwardly affectionate Wanting to make out more in public and I was uncomfortable with this But at the same time I just brushed it off as me being a shy young person He cared about me, right?
He wouldn’t do anything to intentionally make me uncomfortable and Yes, I should have voiced my concerns then. He started becoming more Handsy First subtly and secretly but then it became more obvious And I remember thinking at this point high on adrenaline. “I don’t I don’t think I’m okay with this But is this normal is this what people do when they date at my age? I’m am I being am I the one that’s being unreasonable here because he’s paying attention to me So shouldn’t I like this. Is there something wrong with me?” Yes, I absolutely should have mentioned that it made me uncomfortable at this point But 13-year old me had no idea what was considered normal and trust me. I was thinking about burning it up with him Stay with me folks Worst of all, I felt like I had no one to talk to
The one girl that I did kind of consider my Friend, she got jealous that I had a boyfriend and dumped me to go and hang out with some other Girls that were also making fun of me so I had no chance of talking to her I was afraid to bring it up with my mum in case she would belittle me somehow and I was too awkward to bring it Up with my dad because he’s my dad Our school didn’t have any Real counseling system in place and judging by how they treated my issues around being bullied in the past Which was essentially shake hands and be friends now get out of my office So I cautiously continued Meanwhile Contemplating what I should do if he ended up trying to persuade me into anything. I really didn’t want to do if I push him away now. He might leave me forever Yeah hormones can do wacky things to you.
Try not to let it get the better of your common sense I know from that age
I didn’t really understand what was going on But as it turns out Cody’s family were pretty wealthy Because for my birthday and for Christmas He bought me a white gold necklace and bangle I remember feeling so guilty that I couldn’t afford such fancy presents to reciprocate these gifts seemed Very grown-up. I mean the main thing I was looking forward to at Christmas was Pokemon diamond, you know I was a 13 year old kid For holiday treat his parents took us to a cinema that was out of town. They left us and they pick us up again Later, I can’t remember what film we saw I just remember him wanting to make out throughout the entire thing Pulling me closer and even though we sat in the back I felt kind of embarrassed that like anybody would have seen believe it or not I actually wanted to watch the film rather than stare into his tonsils in the car ride home. It was completely dark outside Sitting in the back of his parent’s 4×4 sharing earbuds from his ipod nano With coats over us like a blanket you probably think this sounds cute and it probably looked cute from an outside perspective, too But what you wouldn’t see from the outside was his increasingly wandering hands beneath the coats I was frozen his parents were in the front seats I felt like I couldn’t make a fuss because they’d notice I thought maybe The tension and the fixated gaze outside on the passing streetlights would speak louder than words to him Rigid in shock, but no Even then I should have been vocal in my little teen brain. I thought somehow I’d be blamed for this For making this son look bad I was scared to do anything or call him out and say “Please stop” I’d only just turned 14 and I wasn’t ready for this kind of behavior. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car.
I said quick thanks to his parents and ran to my door This was not something I wanted and that’s when I finally realized this isn’t right I don’t care what other people think they should be doing at my age But this is not what I want this wave of strength hit me And I knew I had to talk to him about this and I had to say something When I next saw him, he’d come to visit me at my parents house I thought at least I was an earshot of my mum in case there were any Serious problems I had told him I wanted to talk about something important But he just kind of brushed it off and we played some video games and then put a film on in my room Alone Kissing turned into More than kissing and again, I wasn’t comfortable with this So I finally said it I said no and I asked him to stop He asked if instead I’d be okay with being more adventurous with him to try new things That I didn’t need to be nervous and police say no Amy, you know, you don’t want this maybe one day but not now You’re not into this Listen to yourself, please and I did
I was scared to have to push him away But I told him that I really wasn’t ready for this and if we could go back to just taking it slow So we finished watching the film and he went home Over the remaining days of the holiday his text became more infrequent and distant after that night. I was worried about him I thought maybe I’d hurt his feelings or his pride I cared a lot about him But I knew in my heart and gut that it wasn’t right for me to do something that made me uncomfortable I didn’t see him again until we’d started back in school after the new year and he wasn’t answering my messages On my way to the canteen suddenly there. He is walking towards me with his friends I guess he knew he couldn’t avoid this forever pretty sure I was shaking but I stopped him and asked what was going on He thought I would have taken the hint.
He wasn’t talking to me. So I should have assumed that he had broken up with me “Well.. At least we could still be friends?” “Sure” The next day I saw him with another girl.
She was sitting on his lap and they were all over each other making out hard He wouldn’t tell me why he broke up with me, but it didn’t take a genius to guess I missed having him around to talk to But honestly, I was kind of relieved that I’d avoided being pressured into something. I really didn’t want to do Unfortunately My one again quotation marks friend that I had was still completely against me So I had nothing left I’d always hated this schoo,l the Welsh nationalist attitude, the kids, the lack of support I told my dad that I wanted to move schools and within the next two weeks, I left that place behind Just because I moved schools willingly doesn’t make it any less terrifying for a young teen to this day I am so gosh damn proud of myself A concoction of being insecure and the rampant peer pressure and the lack of support Was a recipe for disaster when being pressured into something that you weren’t ready for or even that you don’t want And yet I stood up for myself I listened to how I felt I said no and as a result I have no horrible regrets about it different people want different things out of relationship at different ages For some it’s a lot younger Others a lot older Some aren’t even fussed on it at all Always be respectful and honor how you’re feeling And this applies outside of a romantic setting Toxic friends trying to convince you to do something. You don’t want to? “Nope!” Family putting pressure on you to have kids when you know, you don’t want any? “No, Thank you!” your loved ones like raisins, but you know for a fact that they’re demon spawn? “Um… BYE!” Okay, maybe not that last one I’m sure you can think of more than a few instances where you gave in to peer pressure or did something against your true feelings Or morals, you will make these mistakes It’s part of growing up but know that you can and should stand up for yourself Educate yourself so that you’re more prepared for when it does happen.
Talk to your parents or those close to you It’s honestly not as embarrassing as you might think I may have fallen victim to a lot of other issues in my teens But being vocal about how I was feeling in that situation whilst I was still insecure of myself Standing up myself is a shining diamond of good Amongst my history of youthful decision making and I’m honestly so proud

100 thoughts on “What I learned from my first Relationship…

  1. Pin update no. 1

    I wanted to say, it wasn't necessarily wrong for 'Cody' to want to be more forward than me. Different people mature at different ages, but was absolutely not ok with it.
    The importance of this video lies in the fact that I plucked up the courage to actually tell him how I felt, rather than being afraid of being a bad girlfriend, or falling victim to peer pressure… and letting it spiral out of control… Because that could have happened.

    It was obviously pretty low that he ghosted me instead of actually telling me he'd broken up with me, and it was awful to see all over another girl immediately after this. This was the d-bag move.
    I never said he was abusive, he stopped when I finally said stop and told him that I was uncomfortable. But he obviously wanted a relationship to be fulfilling for him in a certain way that I knew I was waaaayyyyy too young for. The point is that I did make that call, and I'm so proud of 14 year old me for being brave enough to say no.

    But if I hadn't piped up, I probably would have ended up doing something I'd likely have deeply regretted. THIS IS MY POINT. If you're in a relationship, or think you may in future, know how imperative it is to have communication between you. Be a team, make sure you're both comfortable. Be vocal when you aren't.

    When I was 13/14 the internet was far inferior to how it is today, otherwise I might have had an easier way to reach out to other teens and get support… or learn from other's experiences.
    This is why I made this video.
    It's what I would have needed to hear at that age. It's a letter to myself. You should never feel pressured by a partner. Talk to them. Communication is so important.

    (Also, I feel ridiculous writing this, but some commenters have forced my hand… NO this absolutely not an attack on guys in general. Obviously this could happen in any relationship, coming from both guys and girls.)

  2. Your first boyfriend did not know how to fight that chemical imbalance that comes with puberty. I’m a 14 year old so I know. But he was still in the wrong.

  3. Most times when I like a girl, they end up liking my friend….who "attempts" to help me get the girl, and I just…I dunno, it sucks. Last time it happened, they dated for a week, then broke up. I ended up liking her again and still wanted to be with her, but I decided to wait it off. About 2 months later we went to prom together, and that was a horrible night. This dude was being a jerk with the girl I liked and her friend…so yeah. Plus I had to deal with a guy who was drunk and couldn't sober up. Because of that combination of the two….I barely got to hang out with her. A month later, I asked her again, and she said no…
    That night sucked. I'm an akward person, so that entire night I was just struggling and was scared of just doing it.
    We still hang out though, It's fun just being with her. It's been about 3 months since, and I'm not into her like that anymore, despite the fact that she was the closest person to me. My friends are kinda, I dunno. They're cool, just that I feel that they aren't super close, ya know. She was though, and we woukd talk so much in the bus.

    I miss those times
    But now she has left the school
    Before she left, I ended writing a….really dumb sing, but she liked it nevertheless…I still miss her and those times. But I have moved on into whatever the future puts me in

  4. That whole "you taste like cookies" thing probably helped yr romantic advances after all who doesn't like cookies also compliments

  5. This EXACT same thing happened to me around 13-14, I’m so glad I watched this video because it really helped show me that I am not alone, and taught me to tell him that I was not okay with it.
    Thank you for sharing your story, it really helped inspire me and gave that extra push to help me get over this.

  6. I had a boyfriend for like 2weeks i really liked him but i felt uncomfortable and i broke up he got really mad i told him why and i Said it wasn’t his fault i liked him but Turns out that i was bi now i have butterflies when i see my best friend i really want to be in a reletionship with her
    Also i’m 13 and my parents are homophobic

  7. I’ve had some relationships-

    But none of them felt real and the only one that kinda did was a long distance and it ended so soon- 🙁

  8. Jesús christ I feel like a monster. My girlfriend said I was a little too pushy once and I didn’t really paid attention to it, thanks for your video.

    PD: I hope you read this, and you probably avoided future problems with my relationship.

    K love u bye

  9. Recently I broke up with my almost-a-year-long boyfriend. I haven't been that sad about it but I've also been emotionally checked out of that relationship since June. I won't use his last name but since it doesn't matter I will use his first. Cole was my best friend from the end of seventh grade onward. We would cuddle and I would sit on his lap like we were a couple, we weren't, I had a girlfriend at that point. Shes was amazing, but I eventually realized that I wasn't as invested in the relationship as her so we cut it off. We're still friends though.

    During the summer of 8th grade, we got together over text (since..I mean were still kids we both liked each other so…*shrugs *). I didn't see him much since I lived with my mom during the summer and it was pretty far from him, but we would face time and text and it was fine. When freshman year started, it was pretty much the same, except we could see each other during lunch and before school. I'll get back to them at lunch later. He didn't have any classes with me and we never really made and plans outside of school. Don't get me wrong I tried, but he was always said he was busy (red flag #1).

    For a little more backstory we are both clinically depressed, and it's not fun. But I thought that we would both be there for each other…he was never there for me. He would always text at around 11 pm with an "I'm crying and hate myself" text. I was almost asleep. When I saw the messages I always felt bad and tried to text him in the morning, but he wouldn't respond. So when I got to school I would try to talk to him about it but he would pretend that it didn't happen. When I was sad and lonely and ready to jump off a building I would text him, and he wouldn't respond, or he would but he wouldn't make me feel any better. If anything he reenforced it (red flag #2)

    Back to the at lunch stuff, my friends had a friend named Kyle and he would sit with us sometimes. But Cole would tell him no, that he hated him, to kill hi self. And yeah, that's bad, red flag #3, but I had it in my head that Cole was a good person. That he was just joking…Kyle didn't it with us anymore. The school year went pretty much like that.

    Towards the end, our school put on one more show choir show after the season had already ended. Both of us are in show choir (I'm in JV he was in varsity) but it didn't matter that much. Before the show, I had a full-on mental breakdown in the hallway. I sat on the floor crying my eyes out, shaking and trying not to scream…

    Cole walked past me….3 times….never stopped to ask if I was ok….Never stopping to make me feel better….

    When the school year ended, he stopped answering my texts,. I tried to get out friends to get him to talk to me, I tried calling, and calling, and calling*. He never answered. Eventually, I learned from my wonderful friend Abbey, that he was saying that *I was ignoring him, not answering his calls. I heard his voice on the call, (she as on break and they worked together,) I tried to convince her to hand him the phone but he aid he didn't want to do "this" over his break. I got upset and hung up and cried in the car with my mom sitting next to me…

    I was on snapchat looking at my friend's story when I learned that he was looking at mine. So I put an utimatum out, and I know he saw it. He didn't meet it so I publicly broke up with him. Like I said I'd been checked out of that relationship for months, but it didn't matter, because it still hurt. All my friends stood behind me and said that I was in the right, and it felt amazing to have people to fall back on.

    I'd been in an extremely abusive friendship when I was young, and he knew that. The fact that he did the same things as that girl did hurt when I thought he cared about me.

    Well, that was a lot of typing. If anyone actually read this, thanks.

  10. I wish I was told about consent and had the confidence to say no and STICK to that answer. I've had 2 guys take advantage of me for their own benefit, even though they knew I didn't want to do anything. One kept pestering me and saying, "Oh, just really quick, then you can delete it." And "Go to the bathroom to take it." Ect, if I kept saying no and giving him reasons. I ended up giving into that guys demands every time because of it. The other guy, I cared about because he was a, what I considered, close friend at the time. But he was really toxic. He would threaten his life if I didn't video call him, and when I did do it, he'd ask for adult things. I would tell him I wasn't comfortable, but he'd find a way to get me to say yes, whether it's guilt tripping me or otherwise. I hated how they used me for what they wanted and didn't care to really talk to me afterwards, other than the one who threatened his life, but even then it was to sweet talk me so I'd be more willing to do things for him. I still regret what I did, but I learned a lot from that experience. I am not responsible for anyone's happiness, especially if they make me less happy and feel awful about myself. I know to put myself first and throw in the towel if I'm not being treated with respect, especially for my boundaries. No one should be disrespected that way.

  11. I'm 12 (almost 13) and I just broke up whit my boyfriend (14,his birthday is 1 moth after mine) it was my first relationship but we were dating like a year and 3 months… I really hate the thought of me and him never. ever. hugging each other again like we used to do… but I broke up for a whole other reason than you, around the time we were dating a year i had the idea to buy him a game he always wanted, I just gave him €10 instead but his parents didn't want him to buy something for him, I was afraid to ask my parents to buy it FOR him so I just lied to him… I realized we didnt talk much before AND after that. okay, we just said hi and goodbye to each other and that's it… he acted really strange so I texted him whit the question if he wanted to break up… 3 days he kept texting me whit the question if I wanted to know, I said I wanted him to say it to my face, when I saw him, he couldn't say anything, I was so mad at him because he wanted to say it at text but not when I was standing besides him… Now I really hate its over because I truly loved him… I don't even know if he loved me too BC he did never say it to me, I was always the first to say I loved him… Idk if you read this far and Idk why I wrote this, I just needed too, a'd sorry for my grammar, I learned myself to understand and write English. Sooooo there might be A LOT of wrong things in this comment, sorry okay I really needed to write this down… 😭😔

  12. It never became a rekationship but my first romantic experience was a chaos. I was 13 and my best friend ill call her jam started dating a girl who was also my friend i got jealous and ended up liking jam. (Yes this story is hella gay) long story short they broke up and i told her and she said the same but i refused to date out of fear i didbt wanna be judged so instead we just 'flirted'. I was a weird one. Anyways we ended up fighting almost every day by the last day of school and around 3 months of that crap she ignored me the last day. I had a total mental breakdown and started crying and banging my arm against the desk it was awful. I really did love her somehow. Anyways we got along again then fought again i cried nearly every night for over a month and i talked to her ex about how we didnt like her but i still had those feelings it felt weird. Anyways she wouldnt answer for half a month and we had no school so i almost forgot and got through my depressive state and slightly suicidal thoughts. Then she texted back we for the most part got along after that i told her how sorry i was but so did she somehow the feelings came back but went away not long after. We didnt talk much after middle school but yeah… Thats my story not as bad as this but still pretty bad.

  13. I got depressed and suicidal from mine at the same age seriously dont date that young and be careful you'll get hurt if you dont

  14. Thank you for sharing this story.
    Its hard to see what you should do in the moment sometimes.
    I unfortunately was one of those guys trying to pressure but i feel if i was told no I would have stopped.
    I should have said no to a lot of things when growing up but i know now what i should do.
    Keep up the good work on these videos.

  15. Me after my first relationship:

    Shoulda learned to say no. Shoulda knew I had to listen to my gut or my conscience. (Now I got Catholic guilt…yay)

  16. This reminds me of my middle school boyfriend. We didn't start off as friends or anything, though we were in the same orchestra class. Before I ended up dating him, I actually was crushing on a friend of mine, but I didn't expect that to go anywhere, so when I noticed my future boyfriend, I guess I kind of latched onto him instead 😅

    The details on how we ended up dating are a bit weird, but one day as we were heading to the school cafeteria to prepare for an orchestra concert that evening, he was walking beside me and asked me out. My heart was pounding like crazy, and I immediately said yes. From then on, we kissed a handful of times, nothing major just a peck (I was so nervous and shy haha). But, I began to feel a bit uncomfortable when he would pull me aside somewhere with just us two so that he could touch my butt 😂

    My body began maturing at a relatively young age, so I had hips on me and kind of a big bottom as a result. So, whenever he could, he would pull me aside just to do that and it made me feel uncomfortable but I didn't say anything. Despite this fact, he wasn't pushing any major boundaries. He actually would ask me if he could do things like hug me, hold my hand, and kiss me, at which point I would say yes because I was comfortable with those things despite being hella shy and awkward still.

    But I realized within the two months that we dated that he had more experience with certain things. For example, he asked to french kiss me, but I said no and he didn't push the matter again. Also, he'd had a long term girlfriend before me who still was obviously in love with him (which is a separate short story of its own), so it made sense I suppose. We broke up before summer vacation and it was a mutual break up. We stayed friends after that even into high school, so it wasn't all bad 🤷🏽‍♀️

  17. I once told my boyfriend he tasted like peanut butter. It was true! It was about 8 months ago, and we're still dating so clearly it isn't that bad of a thing to say, lol.

    (He had eaten a bunch of peanuts a friend brought over earlier that day)

  18. I went through something similar. Though my relationship was far more…mentally abusive. I was highly manipulated and we DID do things. I was older than you, about 16, but I can say that I did a lot of stuff I didn't want to do. There was a lot of other things that we did that I felt uncomfortable with but I thought I had to do, cause everybody does that in a relationship right? He pushed me into a lot of things and I even went behind our parents back and it hurt me a lot. The guy did a lot to me I wasn't comfortable and I'm really happy that you shared this and are encouraging people to know that saying no is okay, in any setting but especially a romantic relationship. I didn't know that, everyone around me said that stuff was normal but "make sure he isn't hurting you". Looking back, the only people actively warning me about things, were my parents.

    The thing about that relationship was, he was hurting me. It wasn't blatantly obvious, everyone thought it was normal and okay. I'd share stuff we did with my friends and they'd cheer me on and tell me to enjoy it. But I always thought about how uncomfortable I was with things we did, but I just went along with it because I thought it was normal.

    Eventually our parents caught us doing stuff behind their backs and we got in trouble. I ended up getting on to him about somethings, that I probably didn't have a right too really but at the same time, he was using it as an excuse. And looking back, he used it to manipulate me.

    Hey kids, mental illness is never an excuse for someone to hurt you. It's a reason but it doesn't excuse their behavior. If someone has anxiety and tells you, "I do this because I have anxiety" or whatever and its hurting you, that's a red flag. "My dad wasn't around so I don't know how to act properly" reason, not an excuse for poor hurtful behavior.

    Anyway, I got onto him and he used it as an excuse to cheat on me.

    And I was hurt so badly by it. He lied to me too about how far they went. I wasn't stupid but I didn't wanna believe it. I got back together with him. Which honestly speaking, sometimes those relationships DO work out again, but not always. And if you don't feel okay with it, don't. You are not obligated to. I felt like I had to, I wanted to because I had very low self esteem, especially after that relationship. I thought nobody else would ever want me. I couldn't fathom why anyone else would.

    Honestly? I still do have a really low self esteem and I can honestly pinpoint where a lot of it started, that relationship. It was a toxic and abusive relationship that I came out of very damaged, to this day, four years later.

    But I'm getting off track. I took him back right? Well it was a tentative relationship, and our parents were very cautious about us sneaking around. He tried, oh trust me he tried. And I was hesitant to go along with it. Eventually it got to the point he would touch me in ways I was not comfortable with, even after I said no.

    And I put up with it. Because it was "normal". I was "supposed to". He'd leave me if I said no.

    Eventually our relationship ended because of a comment he made towards my best friend, it was highly inappropriate for someone who he knew had no feeling for him, that I was good friends with and neither of us were comfortable with the idea of what he said. Even now that I've discovered about myself, I honestly still wouldn't have been comfortable with it, especially looking back at his behavior, it wasn't a good thing. His mom found out and ended our relationship.

    Which honestly, I'm glad she did, I don't think I would have had the strength to end it myself. I then spent three months of "friendship" with the guy under the premise if he changed, I'd take him back. He didn't and honestly the friendship was worse than the relationship for me mentally, I was manipulated so much and it hurt me and I didn't even realize but it was always so draining.

    It took my dad's then fiancee, getting injured for me to end things with him completely. Because he demanded my attention so much while someone I cared about was in danger I couldn't handle it anymore. I finally said no.

    Three weeks later he had a girlfriend.

    In hindsight, there were a lot of red flags I missed. I wish I had listened to my parents more, I saw them as the people trying to get in the way, I was fine and mature enough to handle it. I really wasn't. And my parents have had the biggest support for me in relationships ever since. And I try to listen to them more. They aren't the best, they make mistakes and they definitely aren't accepting of everything (like my romantic orientation or my gender identity) and they don't understand everything (like my sexual orientation), but they do care and while I haven't come out to them. They've been there, and I wished I had listened.

    So something I wish to say is, no really does mean no. And you are not obligated to do anything you don't wish to if you're uncomfortable. Amy is right when she says people mature at different ages and have different wants and such. And that's okay. What matters is what YOU are comfortable with, and if you lose people from saying no, it'll hurt but they probably weren't people you should have in your life. That goes for all types of relationships; romantic, familial, platonic, co-workers, etc.

    Thank you for sharing Amy. You were so strong at that age.

  19. He wants to take you back because your popular and he wants your money please thank you for the all of the advice. 😊

  20. This might seem like a strange place to say this but, whatever.
    ( This is a long one… And a personal one just to let you know.)

    I'm currently going through high school, just starting grade 11 in a month or so, and for the past… 4 years or so? Yea, I always had a problem with motivation.
    I would always put off doing stuff like exercise and cleaning my room… Or doing homework, and I just ended up playing games or watching YouTube most of the time.

    At school I had a reputation of being the super angry kid until around grade 7, so I never had many friends.
    But, eventually, I stopped being the angry kid and became the more, I'll do my own thing, type kid.
    And that also led me to just be generally a ton nicer to everyone.

    Anyways, in grade 9 I found an actual friend group, a good one.
    We all had the same math class together and when we finished Aur work we would play cards or chess, stuff like that.
    We would hang out at lunch and grab some pizza together, I felt genuinely happy for the first time in years.

    Now one of the 4 people in that group was my best friend, and some one who I've known since like grade 6. (We still hang out to this day) The only girl in the group was… Let's call her s as to not name names.
    And before you know it, I end up getting a crush on s.

    My friend and s apperantly knew each other and started dating, I was a bit jealous at first but we were still great friends.
    Whenever something went wrong or they needed advice, they came to me. (I became known as the guy who can fix problems) and I helped them for a good number of months.
    At some point they broke-up, painfully, after she found out he was "cheating" and I tried to help both sides calm down… I'll tell more about the cheating part of this gets some attention… I guess.

    A few months later, s asked me out… And my world was set on fire! I was getting up before my alarm and doing everything in no time at all, even getting to school took 3 minutes, compared to the normal 10 on my bike.
    I was motivated and unstoppable, and for once I was happier then ever…

    But you probably know how the story goes… One day she texts me saying she wants to break up, I understand and say "take all the time you need" Naturally I'm a bit bummed out but still alright… Until my friend sees the text, he goes and masquerades as me, they end up yelling for half an hour before I even get back from making dinner and I'm forced to cool down the situation.
    She understands it was him and not me and we go out separate ways. Two weeks later and I ask her why she wanted to break up in the first place… She tells me it was because she had a phobia of men, and relationships (yep it's a real thing) and she gave me a backstory for it and everything.

    Months later we start dating other people and one day she tells me she has a boyfriend, at first I'm happy for her but then I ask about the phobia thing… She tells me she lied about them and that the actual reason was "You were being a dick, telling me to calm down" ( not the fill sentence ) ant that the only reason for that was she was "afraid I would go whining to my friend" ( her words, and also I'm not the kind of person ) The convo ended and we haven't talked since.

    Just last week the girl I was dating also broke up with me… Sooooo yea.
    I don't know how to end this… Hmmmm I understand how relationships can be, some terrible some good, I just hope the next one might be better…
    Not for me though, I'm absolutely done trying to find someone.

  21. My first relationship taught me to output equal effort, whats given. I had given more than I got and eventually got the cold shoulder

  22. I had these issues with an ex but I never told him no when I was in highschool. I was sexually assaulted as a result and I didn't have a way to do anything about it. Kids need to be taught to say no to other people's expectations.

  23. So I’m sitting here milking almonds and eating fruity rocks but what I learned from my first relationship was that I am protective of my goats

  24. First video that I've watched from you, and I'm glad you got through that. Good for you for being able to push that deceptive guy away!

  25. Any teen girls watching this vid. When a boy is töö agressive or smth then don't think they want harm they, don't know what are you thinking or want but they have to do all the moves so they are probably scared to. Just tell them what you want and are looking for it will save a lot of time and emotions!

  26. heres an important fact,we guys are idiots sometime, i did some very mean things when was starting to date, i was inmature, rude, and a bt of a jerk, theres a nehandertal part in our brains when we are with girls that just thinnks about…"that" all the time (unconciusly). and i learned theres 2 ways to deal with it, one, say EXACTLY what you want when you start getting "closer" in the relationship and if the girl dosent want to, heiter understand this and go slow, or be a man and break up with her face to face, yes, breaking up with someone because they dont wanna become intimate is a bit of a selfish move, but at least be honest about it. and two, find someone thats as much into getting intimate as you.
    . and yes, you can and should ALWAYS say no, if you fell unconfortable.

  27. I’m just going through a breakup myself, and having some difficulty coming to terms with my actions in the end… I’d been patient with her for a very long time, and took every step to make sure everything was ok, but then I just wasn’t doing it for her anymore. She grew distant and I lost the companionship and love that we had once shared. She decided to break up with me over text right before my birthday, and in spite of the troubles really having started near a month prior to that point, I was so… shocked. And angry. I was particularly harsh because I’d been feeling so neglected and she’d decided to do this while I was at work, after only hearing from her that day after waiting 4 days for her to respond to me from when we last talked. So, for the last three weeks or so, I’ve just been trying to cope with the loss of companionship and support. It only lasted about 8 1/2 months but… I’d really wanted it to last. I’d been trying to make this relationship happen for years. I wish it went better. I miss everything I had… and everything seems to remind me these days that it’s over. I really gotta figure out how to stop hurting. I just want the heartache to stop.

  28. oof this is almost exactly what i went through down to the eating disorder, except you were able to actually break it off before it became catastrophically bad. i won’t give grisly details or anything but god i wish i’d had your courage at 14-15. would have saved me a lot of money on therapy. 🤡

  29. What I learned from my first relationship is that as soon as someone has your heart they’ll stab it and watch it stop beating while stomping on it

    But you know girls hit me up 😉

  30. Can I say something…..This dude DIDNT DO SHIT WRONG,ok well that’s not entirely true he should have asked her first but mind you SHE assaulted him when she kissed HIM.but the reason that he didn’t really do anything wrong is because when she said stop HE STOPED,so please stop saying shit like “We need to teach consent in school” which I actually agree with but One it doesn’t apply here and two I hate this double standard of men are always in the wrong no wonder young men are so scared these days all it takes is for one girl to say is “He raped me” or “He touched me” and his ass is in jail

  31. Here's what I learned from my first relationship. PAY ATTENTION TO RED FLAGS!!! My ex was a huge liar. He'd lie to build himself up. My family hated him, but I was so infatuated I couldnt see his flaws. Listen to your family and friends because they can see more clearly than you.

  32. the boyfriend resembled me-
    her name's Amy-
    okay I thought I was fucked mk-
    my ex didn't like me very much xd
    Edit: AND SHE'S WELSH WTF YOU'RE LITERALLY MY EX-

  33. I'm pathetic but I'll probably be taller thean the boy

    Edit: waht I'm saying is I'm tall but I'm kinda dumb

  34. Omg this is happening too me right now like how my boyfriend touching my chest thighs and my butt and I really don’t know what too do and he even sometimes touch some places that shouldn’t be touch and idk what to do

  35. I’m 14 and I can relate to this video 100%. I encounter peer pressure every single day of my life and watching videos like this help a lot. Thanks a lot Amy ❤️

  36. Im a guy and im in my first relationship at 15 and i think you shouldn't try somthing new without asking the other person and if you feel the same and are in a relationship make that clear to your partner. 6 months yay

  37. I have a boyfriend and, we're both 11.
    Funny, I know, we're too young but, It's weird that i never saw any red flags in our relationship. We have so much in common, we never argued. We have been together for the past 4-5 months. It's Ldr. I never told my parents about this and I feel shitty having a relationship at such a young age. And, I can't leave him because, he's the only person I truly trust and the only person I could ever share my thoughts and stories. I feel like it's wrong because I'm really young and that kids shouldn't date yet. I don't want to break up with him but I feel like I should? I'm sharing this in here bc I just want some help. Plus I'm a kid and I'm too dumb to know much and explain things clearly.

  38. I honestly don't get it. I've been kissed 2 times I'M NOT EVEN A TEEN , I'M JUST GOT INTO MIDDLE SCHOOL, I'M ALSO VERY UNATRCKTIVE . LIKE I'M UGLY.

  39. I'm a boy thats14yrs(and 7days) old, I'm in the middle of a sort of relationship, and trust me, this guys is A FUCKING DICKHEAD WHO SHOULD BURN IN HELL FOR BEING A LITTLE STUPID AND SHITTY PERVERT!!! Excuse me.

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