The Conservative Perspective on the Democratic Primary

The Conservative Perspective on the Democratic Primary

-The process of selecting
a Democratic candidate to run against President Trump
is well under way. And we can quibble over the fact that there are
too many people running or nitpick
some of the candidates, but I think we can agree
that, to this point, it’s mostly been
a discussion of ideas, as opposed to the contentious
Republican debates of four years ago.
-Oh, here we go again. -I’m sorry. What was that?
-Oh, nothing. You were just elevating
Bernie Sanders to sainthood, as per usual.
Go on. -Uh, I’m very sorry, everybody. This is one of our writers,
Matt Goldich. And, uh,
as you can probably tell, Matt is a conservative.
[ Light laughter ] -Yes, Seth, I’m a conservative. And I’m here to provide
a balanced counterpoint to yet another one of
your performatively woke estroge-torials
about how we should abolish ICE and replace them with
a female Riggs and Murtaugh. [ Laughter ]
-Look, Matt, if you want to provide
your conservative perspective on the show,
write it up and submit it. Don’t just interrupt me.
-Oh, I’m sorry. Next time, I’ll include
a trigger warning. [ Light laughter ] Welcome to the real world,
comrade. I guess it’s a little more
rough-and-tumble than those yoga retreats
you go on with Morley Safer
and Dick Gregory. [ Laughter ] -Matt, I’m pretty sure
both those people are dead. [ Laughter ] -Well, that probably
won’t stop them from fraudulently voting
in the Democratic primary. [ Laughter ] -Look, Matt, I don’t even care that you’re
interrupting the show, as long as you don’t show
the very long graphics package that makes it look
like you’re one of the great conservative luminaries
of our time. -Ah, you must mean the one
that lets people know it’s time for
“The Conservative Perspective.” [ Slowly, heroic music plays ] ♪♪ [ Light laughter ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Laughter ] -That package is way too long,
and it super sucks. [ Laughter and applause ] But, all right, Matt.
Here — You know what? Here’s your chance.
Tell me, as a conservative, why Americans should
re-elect Donald Trump, who has ballooned
the federal deficit to nearly $1 trillion,
which is something conservatives
have always railed against? -Trump? Uh, well, you see — All right, okay, look, Seth, I’m not really
a conservative. I-I just wanted to be on TV like all the other writers
on this show. [ Laughter ] But, unfortunately, there’s
already a basic white guy in his 40s who
steals all the show’s airtime. [ Laughter and applause ] -Gee, thanks, Matt. -I’m talking about you, Seth. -Yeah, I know!
[ Laughter ] -Anyway, I just noticed, when you’re a boring white guy
with no charm, the only way
to get on television is with conservative viewpoints. -Look, Matt, you’re not boring. You don’t need to pretend
to be a conservative just to be on TV.
Just be yourself. -Really?
-Yeah. Just be Matt Goldich.
-Hmm. -Well, in that case, it’s time
for “The Goldich Perspective.” ♪♪ -♪ Hangin’ ’round
downtown by myself ♪ ♪ And I have so much time ♪ ♪ To sit
and think about myself ♪ ♪ And then there she was ♪ ♪ Like double cherry pie ♪ ♪ Yeah, there she was ♪ ♪ Like disco Super Fly ♪ ♪ And ♪ ♪ I smell sexy and candy, yeah ♪ ♪ Who’s that loungin’
in my chair ♪ ♪ Yeah, Mama,
this surely is a dream ♪ [ Music fades ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Matt, I was wrong.
I was wrong. You are a super boring person.
-Yeah, I know. It turns out the real me
isn’t very interesting. -All right, screw you
for wasting our time, Matt.

63 thoughts on “The Conservative Perspective on the Democratic Primary

  1. That was pretty funny honestly! It is always nice to see the writers get some air time because it gives a bit of a peek into the workings of this whole thing even if you are too far away in person ^^

  2. I'm as liberal as they come and agree Bernie is not the savior lol but he'd be a damn good president. He's not my first choice but boy would he be a blessing after Tramp in office.

  3. The chin-posing, the taking off the glasses to indicate a serious discussion is going to happen – this is too accurate! I far prefer the Goldich Perspective. At least there's pizza and lint-free clothing. I'll take 'boring' over extremist any day.

  4. POTUS Trump follows in the footsteps of other great republican POTUSs like Reegan and FDR. If you voted to MAGA then you need to vote KAG this Xmas for the sake of future chilterns

  5. I wouldn’t have put Eisenhower in the “conservative graphic’s package.” While a Republican, he was pretty progressive in regards to social issues being that he expanded New Deal policies. Conservative when it came to money and liberal when it came to human beings. He is nothing like today’s conservatives – he had a sense of moral responsibility when it came to the people of this county. Oh, and thanks for the interstate highway system, Ike! A Republican who actually did something about infrastructure!

  6. Uhm, both Ronnie and Eisenhower would not only be rejected by today's right wing, they would be horrified at what the Republicans have become based upon what they wrote about their beliefs.

  7. I love how Seth always does the show even with the sniffles, hope he gets better.
    Also love this segment, and where Matt was standing, his own part of the stage. Makes the studio look roomy.

  8. If this was a trial run to making "The Conservative Perspective" a regular piece I vote YES YES YES ! If you do it, please try to use it to shine a light on the spin and deception practices – not just to humiliate and belittle

  9. This guys really has an old-man's face; I bet he's gonna be a funny grampa some day.
    Also, always nice to see Seth giving air-time to the writers

  10. I mean, I'm pretty sure Reagan also ballooned the deficit (which affected George H. W.'s reelection by failing on his promise of no new taxes) so at least since then Republicans have been mainly about lowering taxes for the rich. That's why they stand by Trump.

  11. One problem that I see with Matt's conservative look is that Trump supporters don't dress like that. All he had to do was to put on a MAGA hat, lynyrd skynyrd t shirt with the confederate flag, pretend he had yellow teeth with some of those missing, the douchebag oakleys sunglasses, a horrendous camo jacket, dungaree jeans that are kinda torn or sort of loosely baggy, either a cowboy or construction boots, and holding a cold keystone beer with a marlboro red, and BAM! You got yourself a real Trump supporter. Totally more believable look. LMAO!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *