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Tag: LAUGHTER

The President Honors the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team

The President Honors the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team

Ayla Ludlow: My name is Ayla Ludlow, and a few month ago I decided to write a letter to the First Family after watching the U.S. Women’s soccer team. This is what I wrote: Dear Mr. and Mrs. Obama, My name is Ayla Ludlow, I am 13 years old. I live in Pennbrook, Massachusetts. Today I was watching Women’s World Cup, which I love so much, and then my brother decides to come into the room and say, “Ayla, boys…

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The Conservative Perspective on the Democratic Primary

The Conservative Perspective on the Democratic Primary

-The process of selecting a Democratic candidate to run against President Trump is well under way. And we can quibble over the fact that there are too many people running or nitpick some of the candidates, but I think we can agree that, to this point, it’s mostly been a discussion of ideas, as opposed to the contentious Republican debates of four years ago. -Oh, here we go again. -I’m sorry. What was that? -Oh, nothing. You were just elevating…

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National Theatre Live: Present Laughter | Trailer

National Theatre Live: Present Laughter | Trailer

(LIVELY PERCUSSIVE MUSIC) This, to date, is the most irritating morning of my life. (LAUGHTER) I think he’s even more charming off the stage than on, don’t you? I’d no idea you were like this. You’re wonderful. (LAUGHTER) Everybody worships me. It’s nauseating. It would be nice to know what you were really like, under all the trappings. Just a lost boy. You’re going to be 42 next birthday. 41. What are you making such a fuss about, Garry? You…

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The National Emergency We ‘Didn’t Need’

The National Emergency We ‘Didn’t Need’

WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) RIGHT OFF THE BAT, WE HAVE TO GET TO THE BIG PRESIDENTIAL STORY THAT BROKE AT THE END OF LAST WEEK. PRETTY DRAMATIC STUFF. THE PRESIDENT ON CAMERA SHOCKING THE NATION –>>HEY THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL KISS CAM! PRESIDENT CARTER AND ROSALYNN, CAN WE GET A KISS CAM? NO, NO WAVE, A KISS! YEAAAHH! OH, YEAH! WE’RE GOING VIRAL.” ( CHEERS AND…

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Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: Lesbian Leads Germany’s Fascist Party

Jokes Seth Can’t Tell: Lesbian Leads Germany’s Fascist Party

-Here at “Late Night,” every night, I deliver a monologue comprised of jokes written by a diverse team of writers. As a result, a lot of jokes come across my desk that, due to my being a straight, white male, would be difficult for me to deliver. But we don’t think that should stop you from enjoying them, so we’d like to share them with you in a segment we call “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.” [ Cheers and applause ]…

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President Obama Pardons the National Thanksgiving

President Obama Pardons the National Thanksgiving

(applause) The President: Thank you so much, everybody. Please have a seat. Have a seat. For generations, Presidents have faithfully executed two great American traditions: issuing a proclamation that sets aside a Thursday in November for us to express gratitude, and granting pardons that reflect our beliefs in second chances. And this week, we do both. (laughter) Of course, Thanksgiving is a family holiday as much as a national one. So for the past seven years, I’ve established another tradition:…

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Neal Brennan – Women and Black Dudes – White People Can’t Relax

Neal Brennan – Women and Black Dudes – White People Can’t Relax

Brennan: 12 YEARS OF CATHOLIC SCHOOL, THEN I MOVED TO NEW YORK, STARTED HANGING OUT WITH BLACK DUDES. [ LAUGHTER ] BANG. BANG. BANG. [ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ] I DON’T KNOW THEM. THEY JUST ARE HERE. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU BARELY QUALIFIED, YOU’RE SO LIGHT-SKINNED, BY THE WAY. [ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHS ] YEAH, SO, I GOT A LOT OF BLACK FRIENDS. I HAVE LIKE OVER, UH… OVER 20. NOW IT’S LIKE ALMOST 30. UM… NO, I GOT A…

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Menopause Nation | Sandra Tsing Loh | TEDxPasadenaWomen

Menopause Nation | Sandra Tsing Loh | TEDxPasadenaWomen

Translator: Gabriella Patricola Reviewer: Nada Qanbar Hi, thank you. Hi. Thank you. My journey here began with the journalistic assignment I did not want to take. I’d written for my employer, the Atlantic Monthly, on a range of topics, work, money, family, public education, eldercare, China — there’s a lot going on in China. (Laughter) And when my editor suggested I write about menopause, I went, “Ew…” (Laughter) Menopause: it seemed creepy, sad, gynecological. (Laughter) No more eggs! Because you’re…

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The smell of socialism: The Great Eight

The smell of socialism: The Great Eight

[music and applause] It’s time. From the Personal Liberty Digest studios, is that the stink of Socialism or just Bernie Sanders’s armpits? It’s time for this week’s The Great Eight. And now, Shh! Do you smell something? Ben Crystal. Hey Bernie… if there are so many deodorant choices out there, why do all your supporters smell like hamsters and feet? Happy Memorial Day from the Democratic party. Yeah, because nothing spells full measure of devotion like some pencil neck douche…

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Election Night – SNL

Election Night – SNL

♪♪♪ >>>THIS IS “ELECTION NIGHT IN AMERICA.” >>I CAN’T BELIEVE AFTER ALL THIS IT’S GOING TO FINALLY BE OVER.>>I DON’T KNOW, WE’LL SEE. TRUMP’S ALREADY GOT LAWYERS TO FIGHT THE RESULTS. >>YEAH, DON’T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT OR I WILL LEAVE. >>GUYS. WE’RE ABOUT TO HAVE OUR FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT. LIKE THIS IS GOING TO BE A HISTORIC NIGHT.>>YEAH, YEAH. IT MIGHT AN HISTORIC NIGHT. BUT DON’T FORGET IT’S A BIG COUNTRY.>>MY FRIEND AT “THE HUFFINGTON POST” SAYS SHE WIN…

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