PARA ALÉM DOS SEIOS (documentário, versão oficial completa)

PARA ALÉM DOS SEIOS (documentário, versão oficial completa)


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This stuff A lot more comes around! Subtitled by
Anie Bergemann It’s written in the constitution that us who represent the people the Brazilian people gathered at the National
Constituent Assembly to institute a State What is a State?
What is that State that the constitution creates? This state is a system. As a system it’s a set of elements
interconnected and interdependent. What are those elements? The elements that are part
of the State are: The human element
the most important element, centrality of the state,
is the people. The geographical element, that is the territory, where this
people walk free, where the people live. I’m blind. I’m 52.
I lost my vision when I was around 20. I had a disease called
Retinitis pigmentosa, which is a retinal degeneration. The retina is in charge of
creating a vision in the brain, it was getting worse gradually and
eventually I went blind. Mastectomy brought me lucidity and reinforced the philosophy
I’ve chosen for my life. I don’t have to believe what I have been told,
I have to believe what I make. Believe in my own speech. ALLOWING TO GET FUCKED IS LOVE IT’S MY BODY Mommy is anxious! Can’t wait for you to be here. To see your little face, if you look like
daddy or like mommy THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEX
IT’S ABOUT VIOLENCE You should look like mommy. Because it’s very unfair to her,
to carry you for 9 months and then you look like daddy I think that having small breasts helps me… …move better. When I started dancing,
I saw there was a pattern like this many dancers with small breasts.
And for jumping… …it makes me feel lighter Let’s go Let’s walk “SlutWalk”
“SlutWalk” “SlutWalk” Well, the SlutWalk
is about that, too about understanding what breasts are these
that I am showing out in the street Because the people also want
that we stick to the standard This standard of beauty imposed to us The breasts need to look pretty,
to fit the standard, they have to be tight. So, it’s very important
when a woman comes to you and says: “I’m a slut and I want to
show off my boobs” But her boobs don’t fit the standard
created for us by the society. So, this is very important to us, to be part of the SlutWalk and understand the connection between
these boobs, This chest and society This chest and the world. “Hey you sexist,
you fucking sexist.” “The feminists will keep you in line.” Hun, Cauê? Do you want to go out? When I started identifying myself
as a trans woman, one of the issues that came up
during this process was the issue of the breasts which involves, in my case,
hormonal therapy Besides other body modifications
This one has been very significant, And in the construction of myself
as a woman, The way breasts are significant
in our societies, this is a question that always
brings me, erm… discomfort,
brings me… brings me issues
makes me think. And about this change, many times,
people ask me: “Oh my God, how unfortunate,
you went blind.” “No, look, it’s not unfortunate, My brain has been preserved,
to me it represents an essential support” I was born like this, I grew up like this, am I really like this? The relationship between the breast
and the feminine, in my opinion, is a relationship of…
I’d say representation of what it signifies to be a woman especially because the breasts represent not only an aesthetic vision, of course,
of a woman’s body, of anatomy, they constitute also subjectivity. Breast constitutes identity. BEYOND THE BREASTS Our constitution, republican, has for basis See, “republic”,
which is a word derived from Latin, “re public” means public thing,
the people’s thing, so here’s the centrality
of the human element, which is the people. I don’t want my body
to be fragmented. I don’t wanna have to say all the time
that I am a woman, that I’m black, if I’m rich, if I’m poor,
if I’m straight or if I’m gay. All I wanted was to live in this time
in this space, as a body with rights, with a certain
amount of freedom. And to have some complicity too of other bodies who are not so
worried about being catalogued, about being labeled as something It was around 2006,
I went for a gynecological exam, and within this file
a mammogram, exam that I had been having
since I was 30, cause I had an indication of
nodules in adolescence. Of a cyst. So in 2006, 2007 when my gynecologist got the
results of my mastology exam she… …noticed a tiny nodule, smaller than a pinhead. And said “Ivana, now you need
more specific exams” “You need to have some scans done” So yes, I had them done. But during the doctor’s appointment
I had an argument with the doctor, because she had a very pernicious political view and it happened while the
students were rioting in the streets against the bus fare increase She and I had such an argument while
she was scanning my breasts that I forgot the clinic where I had it
done and never went back for the results. I just left it there. The following year, I visited
the gynecologist again and she asked me
“Ivana, where are the scans?” I said “ I’ve forgotten where I had it
done so I couldn’t take it “ I told her what I explained here She said “Ok, Ivana,
but you need that exam” So she requested it again. The crazy Ivana, started to understand that
the gynecologist’s insistence, indicated a possibility of breast cancer, right? Ok.
So, I created some strategies Along the lines of: If I have breast cancer And do anything
and don’t give continuity this cancer will beat me. I’ll look for a new strategy.
I’ll take care… I’ll create work… I work with theater, right?
I’ll create some work. So, once the work is all set,
I start treatment. I can say that the body uneasiness
started like… …in my teenage years,
around 12, 13 years old. So, at a certain point,
I happened to wear heels hidden and all… it was a punctual moment, but still
a milestone. At least in my head. This possible association
with the feminine, that I could have. Funny thing, right?
Like: What am I gonna do with that? I know this is socially
censored, right? I took the test. It was positive. Those were the longest
five minutes of my life. And I said:
No, this shit is wrong. I am part of the wrong percentage
of the test. It cannot be right! The next day, we went for the
blood test which is safer. So we got tested. It was positive.
I was desperate. My first thought was to have an abortion. I didn’t think about keeping it
I said: No, I’ll abort. I cannot afford having
a baby. I have no money. I’m an actress, with a very
unstable job. I can’t, I can’t, I don’t want,
I haven’t planned. Anyway. I don’t even know if
I intend to be a mother. But my life became more complicated. This job, this project,
was being developed and I’d just never go for the scans
at the clinic Until 2007,2008, 2010 That tiny thing
that… …small thing as a pinhead, turned into an orange seed. I said: whoa! It’s bigger. And not only that,
it’s become sturdier It was like that…
Like a… You could feel it. Well, I… I said:
Probably, this is cancer. This one is different from the other
nodules I’ve had. I need to end, conclude,
my project to do the treatment But I had other demands and postponed again a few more months And in this process of
postponing for months, from 2010 to 2011, this nodule that was the size of a
seed… …like this,
just like an orange seed. Invaded my breast. It was already six months and
four days old when she had an ultrasound scan He didn’t even ask me anything and
started talking: “Look! Let’s hear the
baby’s heart beating” Holy shit! That heart beating,
I remember until today 136 heart beats per minute Seemed like
a galloping horse And he supported me as much in one decision
as in the other especially because, I think
the woman should decide it, to have the baby or not the father won’t give birth,
he won’t… …carry 9 months the baby in the belly,
you know? He has to be supportive but it’s
the woman’s call to have it or not Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Brisa, go! “SlutWalk” SAFE ABORTION
IS LEGAL ABORTION MY BODY IS MINE RICH WOMEN HAVE ABORTIONS
POOR WOMEN DIE “if the body”
“ if it belongs to her” “She fucks whoever she wants”
“She fucks whoever she wants” “If the body, if the body,
belongs to her” “She fucks whoever she wants”
“She fucks whoever she wants” I’ve done many works. Several works
with… …nudity. Nudity and semi-nudity, you know?
Of showing the breasts. I’ve never had a problem
about exposing my body nor problems with my small breast.
I just think that there’s the stigma, yeah, of big boobs.
We go… …we go through that,
women go through that. When I was a child
I thought that in the pre-teen years
I thought my breasts were too small and all
my friends had big boobs so my body wasn’t developing. I kept thinking
I wish my boobs were big already. But it didn’t grow like that, you know?
Fast. It wasn’t that fast My mom’s neighbor touched my
back and said: “Hasn’t your mom given you
a bra?” So when I got there,
despite having those tiny breasts I didn’t hide them. But everyone, those with tiny breasts
those who hadn’t yet had their periods Everyone was
at the first day of school wearing a bra. And suddenly
everything started to change the looks at me, right? guys, men,
my dad’s friends, people saw me differently for having breasts already In fact I wondered
when I was only 7 why I couldn’t be shirtless
and my cousins could? playing out in the streets I used to wear a very loose shirt
cause I had the feeling that I was never looked in the eyes
when I was speaking. I mean, by men, you know? You take risks all the time,
when you put your body on display. Especially,
when you’re a teenager, and you’re very insecure, you know?
There are a lot of demands, a lot of insecurity too,
and it was like… …almost the same time
the same signal of the breast and I had to wear a bikini. It was so weird for me. Because this body
is no longer allowed. This body already has
a high level of modesty that is used against you
and you… …you’re usually punished
for that, right? Kids know
from a very early age,
the gender roles, right? The markers
are so binary, so strictly defined about body
and about genders and knowing the rules
of normativity which relates to
those genders. That’s what Butler says
about us being born and even before that
already be conditioned when it comes to genders. I had thirteen rounds
of chemotherapy. I had no “hangover” whatsoever. No side effects that people suffer from
after chemo. Because I used a substance that is illegal in Brazil called Cannabis Sativa. It is appetite stimulating prevented sickness, nausea,
headaches, diarrhea, among other things. I’d leave chemo very happy. People there are also having chemo
would ask me “what do you do?” In order not to have a “hangover”
cause they all had it and as I couldn’t tell them
what I was using… …that I was using this substance,
Cannabis Sativa. Well, the substance is THC. I’d tell them I was
drinking green juice cause it was at least
something like that. Hormones have been very helpful to me I’m not sure
if it’s been damaging my liver I don’t know if my liver would
agree on that if it could talk autonomously but now I’ve been feeling
happier about my body I’ve been feeling more… confident, more independent and happier for being socially
acknowledged as a woman in a more constant way. Even though
I know that happens cause many people take me for
a cis woman I usually say that we
are all humans and like humans
we have a mind this mind lies. Those lies are so old and
so institutionalized as the truth that… …this production,
that becomes production of subjectivity my production of subjectivity
hasn’t been guided by the dictators of the system. I’ve always questioned it, this production. So, I think the first thing
that made me stronger, was not having faith not having faith in a God
or in any Gods cause gods
are good for the fetish but I needed something much more
physical than metaphysical and that, the values I had chosen, values like not believing in God cause I never asked God
for help what helped me was science. I had a tumor on
my right breast and I demanded the doctor
to have a total mastectomy to have both breasts removed. At first she didn’t want to. Actually, the only reason she
did it was because I demanded it. I said it was my body and that psychologically,
I’d be more at ease if both my breasts were removed cause there would be no more
breast to have cancer on it. On a Wednesday I had surgery the following Monday
I had the stitches removed. A month later I underwent radiotherapy
for 28 days. I’d wake up everyday and there was something I had to do. After breathing,
after opening my eyes, I had to play with myself cause with masturbation I released in my body,
for free, three powerful substances for my body
and for any human body, which are:
serotonin, dopamine and endorphin. That’d give me enough pleasure
for the whole day something indescribable. I’d say that and people would laugh but indeed I went through this whole process from the beginning,
from the day I got the news until the last day of radiotherapy with this task: cannabis sativa serotonin, dopamine, endorphin and faith in medicine. These were factors
that maximized me, that made me realize that removing
the breasts wouldn’t remove me from me. I’d remove maybe one of the elements
that identify me as a woman but it wouldn’t take away from me the woman’s power that’s in me
nor my sensuality and it emphasizes how our society,
deep down, marks this body territory as something deeply gendered as something deeply associated with
gender determination. In fact, that’s the fight of trans communities,
a fight for a critical deconstruction of that It’s not saying that it isn’t cool
for a trans woman to have breasts or to have something
that is perceived as breasts but saying that those are
possibilities It’s also possible a woman a trans woman without those breasts
and who doesn’t want those breasts. There are multiple possibilities
of being a trans woman a cis woman a woman anyway. “hey you sexist!
you fucking sexist!” “The feminists will keep you in line.” “Hey you sexist! Just cut the crap.” “I fuck whoever I want,
it’s my fucking pussy.” To explain the name
SlutWalk, right? Cause in Canada
a police officer was giving a class on public safety and he said the number of rapes
would drop if women would quit
behaving like sluts So, if being a woman means to
be in charge of my body, then I’m a slut. If being a slut means
dressing like I want to, I’m a slut. And also the issue of
showing your breasts is an issue of whether men or anyone else
thinks you are trying to be seductive, this is seen
as if the woman is teasing. So, women have
to show their boobs to show that they bounce,
that they are floppy, that they aren’t pretty
that they are also pretty. and that they aren’t always
sexualized and that we can’t sexualize the
woman’s body all the time cause it takes freedom away this makes them
more curved, submissive it makes them sexist, too Tell men not to rape.
Don’t tell women what to wear “We fight every day” “We’re women
not a product” “Our struggle is every day” “We’re women
not a product” “It’s hard, yeah!” “I’m a feminist, black,
poor and woman” This fundamental
founding element of the republic is the element
of human dignity. What is dignity of the human being? Every human being is dignified.
Every human being has rights. Every human being has duties
and obligations. But, mainly, has the right to be respected,
fundamentally, as a human being. Firstly, I think that the construction of this society
the construction of this country is a construction made by rape. So I don’t think I even
feel like talking about when I was raped which is only one rape
among others and others of my grandmother, of my great grandmother
that was caught in the bush… She was an Indian that was taken from
her home, nature, to get married. My… …my other great grandmother,
that got… …got married because she was nine and, out of curiosity
checked who was inside the house over a wall and had to get married
and have 20 kids and run away with those 20 kids. I think that Since,
I don’t know… all my ancestors. All of the
indigenous people that were taken and… …what about the growth of this country?
Let’s multiply ourselves. Let’s rape! Let’s rape!
Let’s rape everyone, to have more people
to colonise. Colonise. Over somebody, right? Well, when did we start
with the walk? Because of all the fuss we started also, in parallel, to organize
“I don’t wanna be raped” It became famous,
The whole Brazil took part in it. I started it because to me
it was a personal thing, too. I was violated when I was 19. so this
disturbed me a lot. My family hadn’t heard about it.
They knew it from here. I have never had the guts
to tell cause talking about this
violence that we suffer is really, really painful. So it was an important
experience for me being brave enough to
tell my story of when I was 19 and was violated and I found it very important
cause after it was out there I got many tip-offs
on my social network and we ended up
discussing it. This is also important for us women
to share, cause we end up not doing so. I am an activist
since I was 13 and just told it now.
I’m 40 and only now I
disclosed it. So for my family
it came as a shock cause my family
is always there for me. So, like,
it was a shock. My mom called me the very first
minute she heard about it to understand it, cause I’d never
said a thing even though we were so close.
My family is wonderful. A family that talks.
But I felt embarrassed to tell. I don’t know why
but I was. I just couldn’t! Just like me
there are many girls that keep it to themselves
and don’t share I believe in this feminism.
That’s what I do. I fight for that, for those women
to have an opportunity to talk for them to be brave to go to a police station and
tell that they’ve been violated. This is very hard and sometimes we are not
welcome at a police station and we end up being
more violated than out there. Cause it’s not easy being violated. It was hard for me to talk
now imagine for the other girls some of them have no
education at all They are
violated at home by their stepfathers, their cousins. Cause we are talking about it but forgetting to talk
about the lesbian women. Lesbian women are victims of
violence all the time and we are talking
about women in general. I can’t only talk
about straight women. I have to talk about all
kinds of women. I support all of them,
I support the indigenous, gypsies, riverine women… So, I gotta talk about these women. Who are the Brazilian women?
Brazil is huge. Yeah, you may say that
this thing called miscegenation
is very pretty. It might be true, but it’s also
very painful. I think it was hard done, you know…
We’re the most miscegenated country in the world and one of the
most violated countries in the world The construction of this place. Which was the same construction
that the slave women To not raise future slaves, because
they were also raped by their masters, They’d throw
the fetus in a river. They’d have an abortion and
throw the fetus in the river. And now they tell us
that our body doesn’t have the right to decide
whether to keep the baby or not. What do we
tell these people? Where does this politically
correct talk come from? Particularly,
in this system that establishes how a woman’s
body has to be like. It’s gotta be skinny,
It’s gotta have big tits, a big ass,
gotta look hot, It’s gotta be… stupid! And we are aware that
in this sexist world we live in In this cissexist world
Where we live that people considered women
or people who are women have a great deal of difficulty
sometimes. In social life, right?
With strangers. The “inferiorization”,
the intellectual “inferiorization”, really personal to consider them as only objects who should give pleasure
to someone else who should be there only to show
themselves off to people. It’s not normal that we go through
this harassment daily. It’s not normal our female neighbor
being violated. It’s not normal for a girl to
have her first sexual experience with her father, her uncle Not at all, but it’s…
it’s just that… That’s what we hear every day,
all this violence, you know? And you are born,
this “being a woman” thing, of… of…
of having a pussy, right? This pussy that is already
born with the ideal, under this gaze of defloration,
of being only used in order to give men pleasure. Man, sexism is to me
a wound in our society But I wouldn’t say it’s only a wound
for being what it is, for determining for determining roles for somehow oppressing women,
for example but also because sexism is the trigger the trigger of
several atrocities. Sexism isn’t punished. There’s no punishment for sexism,
no punishments for the effects of sexism So it’s violence
against women, etc. But there are things too
about conduct you might not find a job
you might find one and earn less You might have the exact same job
as a men and earn less You can’t call those
events a crime I’m not sure if you get it,
for example: I can’t be punished for
being a sexist, right? Cause sexism is about
a conduct. What might be punished are the violations committed
because of it “Hey sexy”
“Let me suck you” “Nice tits” “I wanna get some of that”
I’ve heard this one too. A sexist society harms a body and harms another. No one escapes unscathed
from this society. They used the right words to offend us Indirectly, that’s the worst part. But the one who is offended
is directly impacted not exactly by the words they say,
by what the society says, but by how it impacts us,
you know? It’s like we opened
our closet but couldn’t see the clothes,
you know? Like we could only see the people
staring at us in the streets. The more we keep it quiet
or think it is a personal problem the more is
the more is the oppression cause there is no limit. Not in this machine here that swallows us
turns us into beer turns us into… beef,
turns us into advertisement. So I mean, now we’ve
reached a point where sometimes you drink women sometimes you smell women
sometimes you… eat women
that are sold at the supermarket. the media the media outlets have done everything so that you not so that we not only connect
women to beer or… to any other product,
but that you imagine that when you buy the beer
you are buying the woman. When you buy the car you are taking the woman too. I mean It is not just the woman packed for… for sale,
for present but, also, without any possibility of separate
that there is a woman attached to the product.
But the product is what should be consumed. I think that just by opening
any magazine even those that
are not directly related to women’s bodies you can see that it’s an objectified body an undermined body a body connected to futility a body always measured. “This power” that society gives to the vagina and that society itself trivializes,
cheapens, and makes us feel unsatisfactory, inferior, because of that, Makes us feel embarrassed
because of that, ashamed. Initially, I did not want to be touched on the breasts Because, for me, it was the most
problematic part of my body. The relation with both with women, as with men, the affective relationship I think that I’ve discovered
other ways of understanding. For example, I used to feel affliction
with the tip of my breast. And then I found out that it is actually
an erogenous zone and that it could erm Could be stimulated in other ways
and not just in the visual mode. It is sensorial too.
Then… I think I went
releasing myself some of this, and releasing myself from that repulsion from those sexual views Then, I felt more pleasure by touching. It is very complicated for us
because In fact, the breasts, they have
a strong symbolism for women that is built from the outside in. We should look at ourselves
in the mirror and we should recognize ourselves
in that image. “No! This is me, with all my peculiarities
and everything else.” But what happens is the opposite. We look at it… and do not recognize ourselves,
because it is not within a reference that we were undergoing
during our whole life. We… We are raised by Hollywood. Our desires are not ours,
our desires… come from over there.
Our desires are platonic desires. Mine and yours. We… We don’t escape much. In other words,
it is the analysis over women’s body, from the point of view
of a male consumption. When I went blind
it was as if I were swept of this mediatic exposition of women, breasts, ass, boobs,
all of these things. I was practically secluded from exposing myself to this
avalanche of appeals. And then what happens? I started to check to look,
through another angle. In a much more truthful way much more human, and that dispenses,
I mean, that is not influenced by this, all this apparatus
of electronic media, of object woman,
and so many others… and many other appeals that put women in a situation of exploitation in large scale. But I feel a very strong social
pressure these days when I wear an outfit with higher neckline, when I wear a strapless bikini.
I hear the people saying: “You’re not twenty anymore.” “Look! Your boob is saggy!” My niece touches
my breast and say “Wow, your boobies are saggy” And it’s always this search to improve, and
it’s always this pestering, do you know? Why?
Why all this hair? Why?
Why this shape? And it’s for dissatisfaction. We have to be discontented with what we are during our whole life. A woman body is sold as a certain corporeity,
With certain organs with certain normative standards to your bodies. Which is an exclusionary rule of my
female body, for example and of many others
women’s bodies. I have an eight year old sister who I need to work a lot with because my mother
watches a television that teaches her to tell her
eight year old daughter that her hair is wiry. For some time now the acceptance of
my whole body has begun to be something
I have been thinking about a lot and have been taking care of. I started to think about
these things carefully. The relation with the hair and the breast came a lot like an identification… of race, you know? I identify my afro heritage
in my hair and my indigenous heritage on my breast and… I like them. I don’t know,
It seems that… that I carry on my breasts my grandmother,
my great grandmother… So, to deny my breasts
is to deny a whole culture is to deny… deny all history that is not just about my life,
but about my ancestor’s life too. And then, when we think in a young society,
and that comes relating, immediately,
with these images of bodies in this pattern,
especially television standard, it is evident that teenagers will
tend to want, to become something similar to that. Because we are in an increasingly
insecure relationship with ourselves. Always very external,
Always very external. A relationship with the outside
all the time. Four years ago I had an operation I put 385 millilitres. It was a kilo and a half
I took. Not of each one,
of both. I always had to put
much toilet paper in the bra to be Apparent,
you know? But even so the girls used to make fun of me and stuff. I was fourteen
and my classmates started to create songs
and disturb me I had several nicknames. I expected that my breast would grow Every girl expects her breast to grow and did not happen
So I was like really embarrassed. The whole time
wearing padded bra and in the school, the girls…I saw girls
with those big breasts, and I was like: “Hey! Why do not mine grow?” and I started walking differently to twist the spine… to bend the spine,
so no one could notice. I started feeling pain
and maximizing these sensations.
I invented that I was with a lot of pain to start thinking about the idea of surgery. I did not feel good with the mirror the whole time I thought that something was missing and it was the breast.
You know? And I was like “I work with art”
“I need to transform this in art” “I need to do some performances” “I have to go to the streets, I need to show
that I have no breasts” “Oh! Piece of me” “Oh! Piece taken away from me” “Oh! Piece of me” “Oh! Piece torn away from me” It was a part of me amputated. It was a piece taken away from me. But It was a piece away from me
which I could talk about which I could remember of that any woman
and any man could have
a breast cancer. A breast cancer will never take away from either man
or woman the power to be what they are That being homosexual, heterosexual,
bisexual, transgender what defines is not the shape, are not the breasts
that define what you are. It’s you that is going to define
how you are, with or without. Sometimes you want an apparatus Sometimes you want a shape. And sometimes you know how to enjoy the absence of this shape in the same intensity
the others need to have those to… in the end,
to feel themselves. The woman without breasts,
she… loses a little bit of herself. Which is crazy, right?
We… We still can not understand
that there are other ways of of existing, with or without… without it, right? And how other people
will relate to it. Perhaps this is exactly the fear. Like how the people
will relate to it. Before your own relationship with your body comes what the others
think about you. At school, with relatives,
in dance, it was complicated, everybody used to say
“You should put silicone soon!” But I knew I
could not put silicone because I was a minor and I wasn’t
allowed to. I’d come home
and cry. My mother tried to explain me
it was normal the breasts, not all the jokes. And my mother thought about taking me to
a psychologist to see if We could manage to improve the situation,
but there is no way. I was very
conflicted with myself, and… I did everything to pretend I had a disease
that was consequence of my breasts. Until that moment when it also
caught my mother’s attention and then we went to doctors,
surgeons because she could not
afford to pay. So she knew it would take some time,
as I was 16, she figured it would take two years for us
to get the surgery in the public health system and then we began the pilgrimage
for a doctor. I had to show the sinus,
I have been always too ashamed, to more than 10 doctors
and it was a horrible situation because if you dislike something,
to be displaying it to a person who is not close it’s complicated. My mother, when I turned eighteen,
she wanted I took the driver’s license exam, and she would give me some money
to give entrance for the purchase of a car and the rest of it she
would pay in instalments. Then I asked her:
“Mom, do you want to see me really happy?” “Doing something that I want?” Then she said:
“Say what you want” Then I said, “I went
last year to put silicone, I couldn’t because I was a minor” And she said: “Do you want the money
to put the silicone?” And I said: “I do!”
And she… She gave me the silicone,
she paid, you know? I did not have
to save for it. I had no car.
I still don’t have a car. But I have silicone,
It’s much better. I had a cousin
that had a big breast and then she … she was a little bent,
she took the breast and put in the ass. and I think that is it… it’s nice too, the body realising
that we can rearrange ourselves. Because we live in a
imaging society Visual society Society of appearances. This is so strong
that does not change overnight. The teat at most
maximum, what she could
serve me for, would be to nurse
a child I wanted to have, but I never wanted, or “to breastfeed”
my male and female partners that could suck elsewhere
or suck this area even without… without nipple. Now, today,
with the age I am. I’ve been thinking a lot
about maternity. and then I ask to people
with small breasts how the process of having milk is The breast increases and becomes
something else. That interests me a lot. I’m curious to know, if I ever have a child and breastfeed, how this breast will change. It probably will increase, right? And perhaps,
it will get slightly saggy . But I think it would be
an amazing process,
of… of having the breast as nourishment. It is a relationship that I think I
I would like to have with my breast today. My breast was always
very tiny, discreet. And it grew up,
It took an absurd dimension and, of course,
skin stretched. and then… stria, right? and, man, today,
I look in the mirror, the breasts are droopy,
fallen, but I don’t care everything is fine,
I’m very happy with my body. The funniest thing
is my mother, and my sister, they are more bothered with
my fallen breasts than I am. Because the Republic
center, the center,
the centrality of the state It is the human being itself,
it’s the people, It is where all the power comes from. All power emanates from the people. “Hey, you! Stop being funny” “I give to whoever I want,
fucking pussy is mine” “It’s hard, it is!” “I am feminist, black, poor and woman.” TAKE YOUR ROSARY
OF OUR OVARIES I came from a Protestant family, raised on the outskirts of
the great São Paulo. From early on,
The religious discourse about the virtuous woman, about man
being the head and woman being the tail, this discourse of conditioning the woman to this place was very present. And I had religious conflicts
with other issues, but especially with this speech,
because for me it was like I could not
see myself in this place. As if I wanted something
That goes way beyond that, you know? As if it was not enough to just build a family
and live accordingly. And then I understood that… there is a…
there was a… a corruption of the speech, you know?
a corruption of the Christian speech. And then I remember that I felt
a very strong guilt for these things
I was living, for these desires
that were through me and I had to
regret them, but I did not regret.
In fact, I did not regret it. And then I remember… to say my prayers, and ask for God’s forgiveness
for not feeling guilty or for not feeling sorry
for those things. Because I used to put me a lot in the
place of the one who has to save the body, you know?
Almost as an sacred thing, but sacred in a different way… like… a sacred that keeps me distant of my body.
The body is no longer mine, but it belongs to the Holy Spirit, it is a temple of another presence
so I had to give up what I like, what I really
wanted to live, So that this other presence
could live in my body. It was
something like this. And I remember I had some friends
who spoke to me, artist friends who often talked to me
about this… presence of my body that was very close
to the bodies of candomblé’s houses, houses of candomblé,
or houses of Umbanda,
I don’t know. And I was like: “No way!”
I was Protestant, you know? Today I know that my ancestral memory,
came very strong in my body. And I was unfolding me into this
process of finding myself as a black body, indeed. In these places the presence of women
was very different from where I came from
the other religious context. I mean, the woman, she has a… a presence much more… much stronger,
much more alive She… her place of speech is another one. What’s up?
How’s it going? I’m fine. And you?
How are you? Please, sit down. So, tell me,
what brings you here? Well, my name is Bento.
I am… I am transgender and I want to talk to you
because I want to take, I want to do the breasts removal and here in Bahia, we don’t have
a trans clinic. I want to know what procedures
I should take to be allocated to another state,
theoretically. In practice, you need to
get a lawyer. I will be your lawyer, I will bring a lawsuit,
file this action and… you need to seek
the state protection, you need tutelage…
a court sentence requiring the state,
which obliges the state, to… do your surgery, and it should be done through a process filed in court. Yes. Could you tell me,
on average, how long? I can’t.
it is hard to say. It could take years, you know? At least a year or so,
It is what I can tell you. Basically,
no less than that. Impossible, I believe,
less than this. Yes
this demonstrates the lack of state priority
with our causes, right? Not necessarily,
but also the situation of Justice itself. Justice is not perfect, The Justice,
it has… Actually,
I always say… that justice does not exist, right? If it existed,
it did not need to be done, right? So what you’re looking for is a
situation of identity change, but a radical, a full identity change.
That is, your body’s identity will change. I see myself in the world
as someone that had an identification
with the male gender. This was not a problem for me
in many moments of my life And, at least today,
in my today’s perspective, I do not see this past identification
with the male gender as a problem. What bothers me are the attempts
to put me in that place without my consent. That is the big nuisance, that people of my family,
that people of my everyday life, people who do not
know me too, It bothers me that they want to put myself
in this place of man, while I, in a performative way, my gender presentation, and also in a direct
and explicit form, I prefer my social identification
as a female. That’s what bothers me. I have no problems understanding
that gender is something fluid in our lives. Just as I think it is legitimate
that people see their genders like
something permanent, for them but not for me and not for
many others. I think the great task of
to deconstruct the cisgender normativity or the gender normativity
that dominate currently, is exactly this
to consider all gender narratives, legitimate narratives
of gender and the…
trans narratives, in general, they are not
seen as legitimate or are seen
from prisms that me and many others
consider problematic, which are the pathologizing perspective,
the perspective that demeans,
the moralizing perspective, all aspects of
a speech that takes away, in different degrees,
our autonomy as subjects of genders. How old are you?
22. 22 years, right?
You’re already an adult, but… the state always
protects the person. The tendency of Justice,
of the judiciary is to protect the person,
even those who are there fully convinced
of what they want … The judge must think also that
there is the possibility of repentance and although you are with all conviction
of your spirit directed towards this, that this is
your real identity, that you see yourself fully as a man, nevertheless, the State and the Justice are constituted of a fundamental element,
that is prudence. So, the judge will be prudent. He will not give
an immediate decision without knowing your
real conviction and if you resist
all obstacles, overcome all obstacles,
to get that…your …
that desire of yours, that goal. Now I wonder: Which gender do I belong? How will they
Categorize myself? If I am a woman
I have a uterus, I have a vagina, but I have no breasts. Anyway, I am a trans. At this moment, I begin to have
a trans body. The privation of whom
withdraw the ganglia, the axillary nodes, is no longer being able to do the sanitization proposed by the system. But look, I already didn’t like
of taking the hair. So now, I am required
not to take them away, because I have nothing else
to protect me here. If I take the hair, it creates minor injuries, bacteria, the 700 bacteria
I have, from here to here, they invade my body and can invade quickly
my heart, my lungs… That means
I have another male feature, that is to keep the hair. Every woman has hair under her armpits.
Just assume them. With regards to regret First,
I think we we do not need such
State protection, Even because we will
require to Justice a right, and then, probably,
I have to insert myself in a process for transsexuals, which lasts two years, and I’m sure this is
the identity that I want to take on and this may be also the identity I want to not take, you know,
when I’m 40, because I assume that every human
being has the right to a gender. So I assume
the identities, assumed or not,
They are fluid. So the State does not assist us either
or does not see us as a priority, that makes me require Justice, That makes me realise that there is
no trans laboratory here, that there is this insipience
in a few places, and how this happens
in other places? So, Justice
and Justice here, Does… it It is framed
in a system, that speaks to a system and
aiming at the maintenance of this system. Will I fight with this system?
I will. Of course! It is through these means,
exactly through the process that you will fight the system …
Fighting… no. In fact you will require your rights.
Yes! Right? And you will claim
your rights to the State. But the state can’t…
It has a rite. it has one… a set of standards,
it has a set … And the state is composed of people, some of those having
the same thought you have and others differing radically
about that. Still further with the cultural
conformation we have. We have a conformation …
Brazil has a cultural conformation basically Catholic,
religious, consolidated over time,
and reactive to changes. The changes, even the ones considered
radical changes, right? They are changes of the body,
identity changes, changes of something that is settled,
over time, throughout history,
as being inherent to the person and given as
a divine gift. I do not believe this, but I am saying that I
have a duty, as lawyer, to clarify the obstacles
you will have, and we have many obstacles.
Yes! Today we have
an evangelical bench, in the legislative branch,
which is the other side of the power, we are talking of the judiciary,
only, but there is the law, and the law limits significantly the
change of personality. Well, my relationship with Christianity,
always was of animosity
to say the least. I think, you know,
every person who reads history should be suspicious of Christianism in all
its aspects, given its role in the various genocides
that occurred historically, its fundamental role,
actually. Since I was 12, 13,
I remember rejecting Christianism and its aspects
as religiousness to me. About the woman, of course,
all this burden, you know of the guilt, of the sin,
of the body… the body that is not autonomous to decide by itself. All these wicked speeches that church,
that Christian churches promote, They are very problematic and, to paraphrase Malcolm X, They must be fought by
all necessary means. Emphasis on “necessary”. Who controls my body is me. Who controls the pleasure,
the pain, who controls the delusions,
the wills, executions, works,
creations, it’s me. It is not the system that has to dictate. So it’s not the system that says
if I am woman, if I’m trans, if I am bi,
if I’m homo. I’m the one
to define it. And the body is mine. And the breasts are mine. And my life is
beyond the breasts, It is beyond the form, It is beyond
a controller system, being a controller medical system, because they want to control, indeed.
they want to decide what they would take out of
my body. I take what I want
from my body, And I put what I want. I set when I want and also retreat when I want to. Doctors are supposed to give
Support with regards to knowledge, not to define how
your body will be. Who have to set your body is you. Before identifying myself
as a trans woman, I used to identify myself as fundamentally
a straight man. a straight man who always
thought himself very weird, because I was so fond of
dressing as a girl. This thing never fit and it
is a very present speech in many crossdressers too,
you know? This idea that, hey,
I am heterosexual, I am a straight man,
but I like to get dressed as woman, how do I solve this? It is a very present discourse,
and a mess for me too, because I…, my attraction to women
was never too shaken,
in this sense. Posteriorly,
with the identification as a woman
growing and everything else, I was seeing myself
as a woman, bi, bisexual,
at first, because I did not let aside
my attraction to women, but I always felt that there was
an attraction to men, too. Hence, my perception
as bisexual, that today, is closer to
a pan sexuality, in the sense I can be
attracted to human beings, that, do not necessarily identify
themselves within the binary gender, And I think that
this dialogue between sexuality and gender, because sexuality is the contact
with the other one, with the other person. It is this,
in a certain way, It allows the gender to be seen
otherwise and to be displaced,
to be… to think the genders critically,
from a trans perspective, also moving these desires
we have for others. I think the great power politics
is in there in the trans thoughts. You move, through the gender shift,
you move the sexuality and sexualities
also move how much weight
we give to genders. These lines are also… They are very precarious lines, much…
very quiet, very … they are strings actually,
they are not militarized borders. But as lawyer,
I have to warn you also about the existence of, at all levels of power,
in all sectors of society, we must
protect ourselves from scoundrels and from those
who have prejudice or formed views
about everything. I wanna raise him
as a free child. He’s still clean, right? he’s still free of prejudice,
free of preconceived ideas. So I want to “build”
a nice guy for the world. A boy… free. Free in his essence, because
we are not in a free society, right? But if we start
building from now, from the little ones, maybe we will have a better
social structure in the future. Sometimes, we need to get rid of
old views. to see people
how they really are. And learn to see ourselves
the way we are.

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