-The first part
of our competition showcases Mr. America’s
sense of humor. Contestants, please tell us
a joke that you would say when meeting a significant
other’s parents for the first time. -I just want to thank
my lovely girlfriend’s parents for inviting me over
to this dinner. You know, the food is great.
The house is beautiful, but, uh, babe, I thought
your dad would be bigger. [ Laughter ] -Next up, Mr. California. -Do you know, uh, how much
a penguin weighs? [ Audience murmurs ] it’s enough to break the ice, because global warming
is a real thing and it’s happening right now.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Very true, very real. -Way to keep it exciting
and fresh. We love it.
Next up, Mr. Massachusetts. -What did one cactus say
to the other? -What?
-“Cact-hi,” how are ya? [ Laughter ] -Next up, Mr. Alabama. -A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says,
“Why the long face?” The horse says, “Because I’m getting a divorce. [ Laughter ] It’s been ten years, and my wife
has found someone else who, uh, makes her laugh… [ Laughter ] …fulfills something
that I never could. The bartender says,
“Wow, that’s, uh, pretty rough. Can I get you a beer?”
And the horse says, “neigh.”
[ Audience ohs ] -Next up, Mr. Colorado. -So, a piece of rope
walks into a bar. [ Laughter ]
Bartender says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope here.” Rope walks outside,
messes up his hair, ties himself in half,
walks back into the bar. Bartender says, “Hey,
aren’t you that piece of rope I just kicked out of here?” And the rope says,
“a frayed knot.” [afraid not] [ Laughter and applause ] -Next up, Mr. Iowa. -Knock, knock.
-Who’s there? -Disappearing ghost.
-Disappearing ghost, who? [ Laughter and applause ] -Next up,
this ought to be a good one. We’ve got Mr. Florida. -How many people does it take
to screw a light bulb? Just one really freaky guy
who’s into light bulbs. [ Audience ohs ] -Next up, we have Mr. Texas. -So, you’ve all heard
of Murphy’s Law, right? Whatever can go wrong,
will go wrong. But have you heard
of Cole’s law? -No.
-No. It’s thinly sliced cabbage. [ Laughter and applause ] -All right, you’re up,
Mr. New York. -So a woman in labor,
she goes to the hospital, rushed to the delivery room,
and all of a sudden she shouts, “Shouldn’t! Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doctor,
“Those are just contractions.” [ Laughter ] -That one was a thinker.
A thinker. Mr. Puerto Rico. -My fiancée’s mother’s always
asking me when is the best day to go the beach. ‘Cause she
comes from where it snows. I just tell her Sunday. [ Laughter ] -Incredible. Now judges, how do
you think that first round went? Adam, we’ll start with you. -I’m really grateful just to
have heard some of those jokes. [ Laughter ] -And Iliza, how did you feel
about this round? -Some of these jokes
were horrific. [ Laughter ] Alabama guy, like most men’s, the joke started good
and then just couldn’t finish. [ Audience ohs ] Those are the jokes we like
on this show. -Well, our judges will now
submit their scores. Please go ahead and do that.
-Ah, I forgot. -Our amazing friends
at Ernst & Young were not available
to help us out today. So our intern Ernst
who we kind of trust will help us tabulate
the final scores. Go, Ersnt, go! Go!
Go, Ersnt, go! Go! Go!