Finnish Political Parties EXPLAINED – 2019

Finnish Political Parties EXPLAINED – 2019



although so with the upcoming election in Finland I thought it's fitting to go through the parties basically knock out some cool facts some trivia so that you're better prepared as a voter and that you know a general human being better prepared for this clown show now I'm not really a political guy I don't do politics but I do have some insights so let's start here with the Social Democrat Party now the Social Democrat Party is the oldest party in Finland they started the civil war that we had like a hundred years ago which was pretty cool that you like thousands of people died epic style nowadays though they're not cool anymore they're just kind of lame full of old people so to fit into clown world they're just a clown show as well there's nothing really social or democratic about these people like I would trust Ronald McDonald and Scrooge McDuck to do a better job at building socialism in my country nowadays is just like the old People's Party it's led by this guy called aunty Rina as a member of the mollusc family and he's the head necromancer of the party of the Living Dead average age of a member in the parties like over 60 years old and he can show your every filming the sequel to The Walking Dead you should definitely go to a rally for the SPD their main concern is getting money for the elderly making sure that the old generation who is responsible for where my country is today can suck the money and all the life force out of the young generation before they leave this earth to make sure that we definitely are left with anything these people don't even have the decency to portray themselves as the bad guys you'd want them to be one look at them you can tell that they're not competent enough to run a cigarette kiosk my country we're probably the leading reason for political apathy in my country which brings us to the next party cocoa mousse coalition party fittingly shortened to coke these are your basic bitch neo liberals who an eye on eclis identify themselves as lip tarts those these are more like the the bourgeois I'm going to rob the sock this country dry economically type they'd be happy to sell all of our legs to the coca-cola company and all of our forests to the IKEA company to be chopped into furniture for a profit and then they you know have the audacity to turn around to us and say that it's a it's a great deal we've made a great deal here guys we just privatized everything now we have nothing left but we do have a lot of green money so um except for you know the destroying everything for profit thing there pretty much copy of the Green Party on social issues I like to say that they're and they're like a Green Party for people who prefer the color blue but I'll get to that later the most important part to remember with these people is that they are essentially all robots controlled by Brussels remote controlled and you know if somebody would go during the night in Parliament and switch out all of the coalition party people with people from Brussels with Belgians you know it could go like ages before anybody noticed the difference because they're essentially the same which brings me on to the last of the three big parties the centre party the centre party is the oldest protest party in my country they're essentially a protest vote against ell sinky anti Helsinki anti big city platform which is respectable my only criticism of them there really is that they are not we enough in their attacks of urbanites there are also the most successful criminal organization in my country which functions exactly like a mafia mafioso organization they're supposed to represent the rural people their official ideology is agrarian liberalism but even though then the EU neoliberalism is destroying the countryside essentially there should be anti-eu like their electorate but they had a vote and they decided that you know the only real thing here to consider is it's the EU as another criminal organization our ally or competitor and they decided they're an ally so they're probably you go figure and since they're the only political party to represent the relights the rural people are essentially shackled to vote for them over and over and over again which means that these people never have to put in the effort there run a pretty good hustle and they never get out of power as long as they promise to protect these people it's why their party slogan is kept aligned a feta which means you can never trust a center part east and the most successful thing they're at is gerrymandering and breaking their election promises these poor rural rights are just stuck with them what are they gonna do vote for urban I don't think so speaking of urbanites the next party on our list is the Green Party the Green Party is essentially the single Helsinki women's party musi here I'm struggling to come up with a caricature that actually represents the party that isn't overtly homophobic or racist which should tell you a lot about what this party is about there's now they like carbon copies of this party all over Europe in their standard young people who want to make the world better but don't really understand politics party and they're essentially mostly in Helsinki who think that trees are nice because they never you know been out in nature there you John making renewable eco-friendly refugees and biodegradable Africans and stuff like that I don't really know I don't read party programs like you can tell I just go by what I've seen them talk about and make up what they must be about a lot of cute girls here though I wouldn't recommend trying to get @gf in this party because you'd probably have to pretend to be interested in like biofuel and pride parades so there's probably easier ways to go about this they don't really understand how anything in society works you know industry electricity cars stuff like that they just want to ban it they think that electricity just comes if you snap your fingers which is hilarious but next up we have the left-wing alliance or quote-unquote alliance they're really good at bickering and infighting which is fun for the drama but otherwise they're really boring ever since the evil empire collapsed and socialism kind of died out and became uncool they rebranded and they've given up on the Marxist Leninist thing and they're pretty you know tame blind have been having an identity crisis ever since then not really being able to profile themselves in any cool or meaningful way they're more about the economic issues than the Green Party and it's hilarious to see a member of this party call the Green Party's filthy capitalists I think that's hilarious because you know these people at least have a bit more teeth and they're my most favorite of the other neoliberal parties we have in Finland mm-hmm since at least these guys pretend to care about the workers even though they're you know quote-unquote totally not neoliberal you guys they gave up on the Marxism Leninism of course when these Trotskyites realized that capitalism free trade and stuff like that is a better way to achieve their goals of global domination global home sexuality I don't know what they're about but I can assume and the party leader is pictured here is is a woman that I see people on the internet drooling over all the time but I think she's pretty plain still waiting for some Soviet hotties to take over the party next up we have the Finn's party the Finn's party would be a really badass party to vote for if half the things that people journalists wrote about them would be true like that they were gonna set up new outfits concentration camps and they're gonna start a race war and stuff like that unfortunately they're pretty goofy unfortunately in clown world we can't even have one serious bad guy party so there's this party likes to go on about Finnish nationalism and talk about these weird facts that you've probably never heard about like immigrants cause more crime and immigrants are bad for the economy what I've never heard that one before and there's a bunch of nerds who think that if they write really long blog posts about this and hit people over the head with these statistics over and over again people who vote for them when she doesn't happen yet now unlike the other parties who attract a lot of gay urbanites these people instead tracked a lot of stupid rule lights who like to say the n-word and just hate black people so that there's always that it's fun to see the controversial stuff they said because at least that's some drama and keep you entertained but unfortunately these people are so tamed that they don't even challenge the EU enough they're just gonna get try and get some comfy jobs in the EU and say hey guys we can totally reform at you guys and that's why they're not as relevant anymore as they were they've had their time in the Sun and if they can't figure out anything new that probably just stay at 10% next up we have a party that's very near and dear to me because I too am a filthy fellow Swede this is the Swedish People's Party it's a party that's meant to represent the swedish-speaking finns as a minority now stereotypically we're all rich and we own an island and the meaning we like to force people to speak Swedish against their will because we're evil now I think that this party is of course a complete sham and a farce and I think that they're terrible people they are doing the similar hustle to the center party because they can always fall back on people saying hey we're the only party that's ever gonna represent you so you have to vote for us over and over again which means that they're pretty safe in their comfy jobs and they never change and they just get worse and worse every election and they're really entitled and think that they should have five percent of the vote every time and shouldn't have to put in any effort and they don't really represent anyone's interests anymore I don't know what they have other than screeching about the defense party or it's gonna Holocaust them if they if they get any taste of power in Finland which is ridiculous I mean I've seen these people being represented as communists or Nazis depending on who is describing them well neither of which is unfortunately true they're just really stupid like these oligarchic figures that are just in it for the perfect personal egos and wealth and I generally like to see this party destroyed so something new and better could take its place because I'm really sick and tired of this party continually disappointing finish wait no next stop last one we have here is the Christian Democrats what can you even say about these people they've never been very relevant they've started out in like the 70s and they've never been more than 5% they've always been around 5% ask people well what have they accomplished recently and most answers so I've got from people like personally I can't remember a single memorable thing about these people or who votes for them and they have a similar stick to the Social Democrats is that they're gonna help old people because it's mostly old people who even know that these people exist and they propose for Christian morality in politics so far at it it's not too controversial they don't really do much like they don't even oppose abortion or almost sexuality anymore because it's a bit politically inconvenient with just ridiculous at least try and be Christian if you call it yourself that I'm just waiting for some day Oswald Crusaders to take over the party and kick out all these old HR department nannies who have usurped all the power in the party it's gonna happen you'll see and we have some honorable mentions we have a lot of random parties a lot of mean parties first off is of course the feminist party which was recently launched as a copy of the Swedish equivalent of the feminist party and what can I say they're essentially just ahead of the curve there what the Green Party is gonna be in four years and what the coalition party is gonna be in ten years so I'll just calm down we're gonna go down the same train you're heading towards don't worry the opposite end we also have the old Communist Party people who haven't somebody hasn't told them that the Cold War ended yet and they think that if they just continue marching on the streets for another hundred years with these signs then socialism will take over it's really really like scene out of the Walking Dead when those old people shamble down the streets showing the struggles on May Day then also we have the butt plug party the pirate party they're really creepy internet living basement-dwelling nerd party who I don't really know what they're about but I can only assume that they're really really really passionate about hiding what they have on their hard drive from the government that about covers it I hope this helps you and I hope you're really motivated for the upcoming election and to your civic duty and so on and so forth this has been a nice ball production I hope to see you guys next let me know in the comments which party is your favorite and if I left anything out alright see

17 thoughts on “Finnish Political Parties EXPLAINED – 2019

  1. This is why I have hard time deciding who to vote in whichever election. It's the ultimate game of lesser evil.

  2. SDP: Old, very watered down social democracy. It's definitely a boomer party, but they are no all that old. The main reason they are still so relevant is that they have the labor unions.
    KOK: They have the image that they are the capitalist party hardworking entrepeneurs should vote, but they really are the party just for the 1%. They also used to be the conservative party 30 years ago and still have bit of that wing, which might fool some old conservative people into voting them even though they are very liberal.
    Center: Scummy career politicians. Being a party for the more rural areas, they tend to get voted in for "pork barrel" politics, promising goverment money for local projects.
    Greens: Their feelings don't care about facts. Once upon the time there used to be some rational greens with real solutions, but they have been long since smoked out by all the crazies.
    Left: The loonie left. They are much like the Greens. Ties to anarchists and antifa.
    Finns: They are about making Finland great again. The only conservative party besides the Christians, but that's not their main thing. Their main thrust is euroscepticism and wanting to put a stop the harmful mass immigration. The party was build on ruins of an older party, the Finnish Rural Party and does still have a bit of alternative for Center vibe to it. It felt like it was becoming as watered down and mainstream as all the other parties until the leadership was swapped out in 2017. After that they were the cool alternative again and it showed at the elections.
    Swedes: Seems like this party has all sorts as long as they speak Swedish. They seem to fit into almost any coalition as long as the goverment will maintain the position and privileges of Fennoswedes and the Swedish language in the society.
    Cristians: Their identity is all about being conservative and christian, neither of which is very fashionable. Every time they try to make their views known they get shamed and ridiculed, so they tend to stay with their own crowd. Old people are closer to death so they tend to be more religious, so of course this is an old people's party.

  3. Super funny video.

    PS. The Finns party will take power and give us the final answer to the Swedish question.

  4. Finss:   If immigrants can find a stable job in Finland they're allowed in, if they just live on the Finnish ''support money''  (kela) and commit crime, they can find a shelter else where. Finss support low income people. Finss support education, there have been big cuts to the school funding (mold in school/ no material to read) caused by SDP (support old people results to cut school funding).
    This guy talks shit about finns because he is svenska and we all know what happend to swenska.. it became the rape capital of EU. by inviting every immigrant

    Support money (kela) = if you're jobless (single) goverment pays you about 600€ every month… if you have 3 kids you can get up to 2300€ (family) and so one..

    Finnsih party and Swedish party hate each other…

    results: Old people (SDP) 17.7 / Finss 17,5 / KOK 17 / KESK 13,8 And  Green 11,5%

  5. SDP: Old guys
    KOK: Green, but it's blue.
    Center: Mafia and hates cities.
    Green: Cute girls, but no politics.
    Left Alliance: Communism, but a bit better.
    Finns: Bad guys.
    Swedish Peoples: Center, but evil.
    Christian Democrats: SDP, but %5. Deus vult!
    Femminists: I didn't think anything about that.
    Communist: Left Alliance, but stucked on the past.
    Pirate: Weird guys.

  6. High five from a gay urbanite. Sadly its a true story in terms of the effort.

    Me and you might see the way to progress differently (For example, I personally see a load of development value in the EU institutions, should they have been used wisely). But it's heart-warming to see that even on the other side of the opinion spectrum people see the desperate state of the political scene today.

    If you wanna make a higher-end production of this type – I'd love to collaborate. Also could be fun to talk in person. I was struggling to find an articulate anti-EU person in Helsinki. (We ve had a bunch of nazi drunk-heads sitting in the tent under my office during the weekdays. But they were too racist, too drunk and too angry for me to come by and talk to them. Plus, all the time that they were chilling there with posters against me, I've had to actually be working for their unemployment money to be paid with my taxes)

    Ping me if, Plz, if you think we could chat!

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