Conservatives, Socialists, Progressives and Libertarians || Centricide 3

Conservatives, Socialists, Progressives and Libertarians || Centricide 3


A lot of you are wondering when will the centricide begin? Well, I’d like to give you a firm date. Once we have a hundred thousand followers we will have enough numbers in order to bring down the centrists once and for all. Oh, shit. That happened a lot faster than I was expecting. Yes, it’s centricide time. We begin our centricide by converting those who aren’t as extreme as they could be. That means the Conservative, the Libertarian, the Socialist and the Progressive. The extremists plan to strike immediately. If we’re gonna beat them our centrism is gonna have to be radical. Horseshoe Centrist. Are you in Conservatopia? You know, way I see it, there’s no difference between me reaching my destination and not reaching my destination. Kind of weird that there’s so many churches around here considering all religions are the same. That’s Conservatopia for you. What about you, Political Nihilist? Have you found the Progressive yet? Yeah, I see him. This place is really… green. Hey, you’re the libertarian socialist, right? Yeah, that’s me, man. What’s up? Speak his language. What’s up, my man? Ancap, you in Libertaria? Have you found the Libertarian yet? I’m in his office right now. We’re having tea. You’re all right Ancap. There’s no time for tea, Ancap. Get him on our side. Don’t tell me what to do. I know how to handle my business associates. We’re going to do quite well together. Bye. Ancap. Ancap! Damn it. Nazi, are you in Conservatopia yet? Have you found the Conservative? Yes, I found him. He seems to be in one of these… churches… praying. Don’t worry, I’ll get him. Ape-political. Are you on the ground? Have you found the Socialist yet? Fuck! Why did we send the ape? Commie, did you find the Socialist? I did. I snapped his neck like toothpick. What? You weren’t supposed to do that! There was no hope for converting him to my team. He said: The USSR was just state capitalism and we shouldn’t be supporting it. Besides a little bit of capitalism can actually be used to serve the people. While we should have a government to help people out, it’s not really reasonable to be praising places like North Korea and China. Maybe as a long term goal we can work towards some kind of communism, but revolting now would just lead to more famine and bloodshed. We start by socializing the economy and then we move outwards from there. Just because I’m less extreme than you doesn’t mean I don’t have values. So I snap his neck. Like toothpick. Oh, okay. Well, then he deserved to die. Exactly! So you see, I really do think you should join us against the centrist threat. Yeah sorry, listen. I’m in the middle of selling arms to a foreign government and abolishing all governments would be very detrimental to my profits. You’re never going to become more libertarian at this rate. Populism is on the rise! We need to do something about this. Surely you would get more profits with less taxation! Yeah, I mean, keep it to a minimum. But I don’t want to have to go around hiring private police. A lot of homelessness and Libertaria for some reason. I don’t trust them bums not to stab me. Come on, you’re just too afraid to fully commit to your libertarian values. The world would be a better place without a state, and you know it! At least become a minarchist. Right… and who’s gonna enforce that non-aggression pact you like so much? Again. Those homeless people. I’m a short guy, they are gonna stab me. That’s the beauty of it. We hire private drones to take the homeless people and peaceably relocate them into the ocean. I don’t know. I feel like we should probably just be taking this one step at a time. Well, maybe the world’s not in the place for it right now, but- Then I’ll join you when it is, Ancap. But for now, I gotta sell some weapons to a foreign state. Is this what I sound like? So! You’re the Conservative? Yes, that’s me. Are you here to worship? No, I just want to have a talk. Okay? What about? Conservative haven’t you noticed the cultural left has been a little… crazy… recently, with all those… rights? Well, I suppose you could say that, sure. Well, I’m here to simply draw your attention to a little fact. The left is fucking blind. It doesn’t matter that you identify as a conservative. You’re still going to be labeled as a nazi. So, why not just become one? I don’t care what the left thinks. I’m a conservative. I want to conserve. What you’re suggesting is we hop in a time machine and go a thousand years back in time. Come on, not more than 200 years. Okay okay, well. Haven’t you notice, you know, more… darker skinned people? Yes? And those people don’t share our values. They don’t share your religion! Wouldn’t it make more sense to preserve your culture more radically? By going in a right-wing populist kind of direction? I’m just concerned that the level of terrorism, and Muslims and Jews… Jews are our brothers and sisters. I need to process that. I think I see a nazi talking to a conservative. Oh, hold on, no. Those are both just conservatives, huh? I must be mistaken, I’ll keep moving. Listen, I think that whole God stuff might be detrimental to your mental well-being. God is where I find my strength, although right now I’m actually just praying to Jordan B. Peterson. Oh God, this Jordan Peterson guy again? Excuse me. Please don’t use his name in vain. Sorry, sorry. I mean, oh gosh. No, no. You will call him Dr Jordan B. Peterson. You know, he’s a doctor and a professor. Morality and God will get you nothing in times of strife. Abandon your stuffy, ineffectual conservatism and choose something that actually preserves your culture! I believe all people are blessed and touched by God. Except the gays, right? Yeah, except for the gays. Fuck those guys. I knew we were on the same page. Stop caring about shit. No? Damn it. You know you’re not very good at this. Well, I’m kind of a one-trick pony. Wait, hold on I hear some- Read Kropotkin. I, I have read Kropotkin. And Chomsky. Google Bookchin. Dude. Relying on a racist state is not an acceptable means of combating racism. Why can’t you get that through your skull? Dude, I have got to stop smoking so much. Hi, it’s me again. Hi! Do you have something you maybe want to work out over a cup of tea? Listen? Okay, just hear me out. The world is already headed towards libertarian socialism. Naturally, as it progresses. You don’t need to believe in anything to make it happen, okay? It’s just… happening. So why are you wasting all of your emotional energy caring about politics when you could just be living your life and smoking weed? You’re wasting your time and your energy thinking you can change things, but nothing happens on the level of individuals. It’s all about the state and what the state’s doing, and you have no control over what happens there. You’re just a single individual person. So stop worrying about politics and just live your fucking life. That’s bullshit. What? How did you survive my nihilism beam? The world is headed towards populism right now, and that means one of two things. One: we get one-party communism and they just fuck everybody over. Or two: we get fascism which is way worse. Either way, we’re in trouble. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can fight for individual rights and equality. We can do both. Oh, come on. Look at this sperg. Is this who you want to be? Some guy who cares too much and whines every tim- Shut up, nazi! Jesus Christ! Another nazi down. Yeah, that guy was clearly not a nazi. If you don’t join me, you’re just as bad as the fascists you claim to hate. Yeah, fuck this. Peace. Buddy. You’re fucking with the wrong guy. Why do you care about anything? Cause I have to care! Somebody has to fight fucking nazis! The world is fine. Nothing is gonna happen on the level of individuals. The world’s changes are not under your control. I know that. I guess… I guess I’m on your team. If you think about it, I mean… Individuals can’t really change anything. I just got involved with this cause I wanted someone to accept me. We do. I’ll join you guys as well. I’ll join the centrists. Just be a post-leftist or something, those guys don’t do shit. Nazi fuck! You know, communism is the greater of the two evils but I’ve come to realize that fascism is pretty bad as well. This is why I’m against all left-wing ideologies. Left wing. Left wing! You think I’m a left-wing populist? Do I look like fucking Bernie Sanders? The left is about destruction and chaos. The right is about preservation. What are you preserving? You’re getting replaced, you dumb fuck. After a wave of climate refugees fuck up your country, there’s not gonna be anything left of that culture you’re trying to preserve. Just because I think abortion is wrong, all of a sudden I’m some kind of neo-nazi. That’s why I’m marching in the Straight Pride Parade this year. Oh my dead god, I forgot that moderate’s culture warring was the worst kind of culture warring. Just because I think that the LGBT community doesn’t need any more power, they act like I want to erase them! I don’t. You do. So what would it say about me, if I gave it to you. Don’t you want to kill black people? Not enough to want to do anything about it! He almost crushed all my spirit out of me. Luckily, I- Oh, fuck. Update me. Yeah, this guy is not budging. Yeah, the Conservative is staying true to his values, even though his values are getting replaced by waves of immigrants! Will you leave me alone? I am trying to pray. So they’re staying true to their values, ay? That means their wishy-washy fucks. Kill ’em. Now we’re talking. Christian Conservative. Christianity is at the roots of the evil that has corrupted the West. In its frenetic subversion of every hierarchy and its exaltation of the weak, the disinherited, those with lineage and love tradition, Christianity has poisoned greatness. What are you saying? The identification of our tradition with either the Christian or Catholic tradition, is the most absurd of errors. Julius Evola. God. Run. What? I said run, you liberal! Before I change my mind! Nazi, how you doing? Well, conservatism is dead. Yes yes, I know. Modern-day conservatism in reaction to neoliberalism has become more of a right-wing populist ideology, thus you could say that conservatism is dead. What? No, I mean the ideology. I shot it. That’s how this works. Fucking sick! Ancap, your turn. Get an assassin on him. It… it seems he’s gotten away. Damn it. Commie, how are you doing? I seem to have caught the degenerate hippie. He didn’t join our cause. You know what to do. Liberals get the bullet, too. Wait, is that…? Hey! Leave the anarkiddy alone, you damned ape. Apoliticism benefits the status quo! Are you all right, anarkiddy? I’m fine. Don’t touch me, though. I don’t want to be associated with you anymore. Come, take my hand. You are not thinking straight. Nah, I’m thinking just fine. Actually a lot more clear than I’ve been thinking in the past. I’ve got to say this whole organization thing sounds like a total spook. Leftist organization is not the best way to be an anarchist. Maybe the best way to be an anarchist is to just be an anarchist. Is this about all the times I killed all the anarchists? Come on! We were fighting capitalism and fascism. We had no time for anarchy! Yeah, we were definitely never cool on that front. Clearly you have brain damage. More brain damage than usual. Nah, actually, I feel like a lot more clear-headed. And come to think of it, this whole leftist unity thing was always a way of tankies to just control all leftist discourse. I’m kind of sick of that shit, so maybe… Maybe I’ll just hang out with the actual anarchists instead of pretending to be a leftist. Left-wing, right-wing. What does that even mean? But… but the centrists. The… the extremists! Fuck ’em. See you around tankie. What do you want me to do? Represent the entire left? What do we do without the gays? Who’s going to represent the gays? What do I do without you? What do I do without him? Oh tankie, one last thing. It’s quee/quem. I gotta say, that did not go well. Well, we didn’t recruit a single person and we lost the Ancom. Political Nihilist is down. Most of the moderates are dead. Enough subterfuge. We strike immediately. But at least we have a new member on our team.

100 thoughts on “Conservatives, Socialists, Progressives and Libertarians || Centricide 3

  1. "Don't you want to kill black people? Yeah, but not enough to actually do anything about it" This is the problem.
    Don't worry, I'm being semi meta satirical.

  2. That was great! I didn't expect to actually get invested in the story, but you totally got me yelling "no!" at 8:35. My only note is that the change back could have used some more time. That could have been a whole character arc. Anyway, I love centicide, keep going!

  3. Unironically adore commie, uphold the immortal science of Marxism-Leninism.

    Also the demsucc tirade was a little on the nose.

  4. hot damn, your entire channel is a gold mine… this is my favorite web series on YouTube now (also, ancap is my favorite character)

  5. I feel like “special” isn’t a strong enough adjective here,,, These extremist effects are bringing light into my life

  6. Milleniamalists are all they are exposed to. Since they are the last on the totem pole. Speaking of poles, I don't mean polish. I mean the magnetic poles of the planet. Your generation gets the shaft of the polar flip. You get to freeze your asses off. I don't know if your sensory overload generation will survive.

  7. If ya'll think about it ancap is probably the most pacifistic and peaceful character in the story. Not only did he spare the libertarian, he also did not engage in aggression in the quest for bread video despite the clear violation of the NAP.

  8. Sending the opposite quadrant might work better, just to get them a bit further out of the centre.
    Only then you send in the anti-centrists the way you did here, to explain why fighting against the radical centrists together with every anti-centrist is better than fighting with the radical-centrists against the opposite anti-centrist.

  9. The ancom/tanke goodbye scene was actually pretty damn sad. never thought id say that about ridiculous personifications of extremist ideologies. thank you for this work of art jayreg!

  10. "Dont you wanna kiill black people?!"

    "NOT ENOUGH TO WANT TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!"

    I almost burst out laughing in the office, holy shit Jaroog this is fantastic

  11. I feel attacked, that leftist libertarian dialogue was like an exact reenactment of my thoughts for the past 5 years.

    Not that I care, I'm just a selfish post-leftist libertarian now.

  12. That monologue at 6:37 is fucking true. I have friends with vastly different political opinions and they all agree that the world is going to shit, and there is nothing we can do about it. No matter what your ideology is, politics is always pessimist, and I see my friends getting stressed because of it all the time, so I just embraced the advice of stoicism: "don't worry about things you have no control over". I have just stopped worrying about politics, and now I try to enjoy the good things in life, such as art, nature, video-games, etc. I still have my opinions of what and ideal system should be, but I know it won't happen so why bother.

    TL;DR: I have become APE-POLITICAL and I'm HAPPIER because of it

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