Cake Farting Porn Is Sweeping the Nation – The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder

Cake Farting Porn Is Sweeping the Nation – The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder


– I don’t believe
Magic Eye’s a real thing. – You don’t think it’s–
– Little ki– a little round of
Big Jay’s Fun Facts before we go on…
– No, these are little– these are some
“Pop-Up Video” facts. – Kansas City,
if you’re thinking about bringing me
a Magic Eye picture? Shove it up your ass,
I don’t want it. – ♪ Pop-Up Bonfire ♪
(makes blooping sound) – He legitimately believes
nobody can do it. – What?
– He thinks like, if you say you can Magic Eye,
you’re like faking. – It’s false, yeah.
You’re making it up. – I can’t do it,
but I know it’s not fake. – It’s fake.
– I can totally see everything. – What is that? “I’m really good at Magic Eye.”
That’s a good– – Hang on, Black Lou’s
got an answer. Black Lou said
he has an answer. – What is it?
– It’s a– Jacob would love it. There’s a shark up here,
a shark down here. – What the fuck?
– Here a shark, there a shark, everywhere a shark, shark?
– (Christine) Sharks coming out of a cave.
– What’s this? Ga– oh, gay porn.
– (Lou) Triceratops. (Christine)
Rhino, but it could be a triceratops. (laughter) – Jay’s still not convinced
Magic Eyes are f– – Here, Dan,
do it with me. Steamboat.
– All right, ready? Hold on. Bring up
a new picture. One, two, three…
– (both) Apples. – Apples.
– Apple orchard. Do another one.
– Okay, do this one right now. – (both) Cake farts.
– Cake farts. ♪♪ – Allergies are so
fuckin’ strong this week. – You havin’ a rough go?
– God damn. – Yeah, dry and watery eyes,
I’ve had. – I’ve had dry–
watery eyes, dry eyes, I can’t stop coughing.
– That’s the flu. – Okay.
– It’s AIDS. – It’s blood?
– It’s full blown AIDS. – Full blown?
– You look like a goddamn mess. Look at Christine just
rubbing it in your face as she has sweet-ass
eye drops. – (Dan) Stop, dude.
– Those are allergy eye drops. Life changer. (Dan claps hands) – Let’s do it.
– You guys are sharing eye drops now?
Well, you might as well just fuckin’ lick her asshole
in front of me, dude. – Whoa. Man, you ha–
you have a weird– you have a weird jump
in things. You’re like,
eye drops is the same as analingus.
– Can we put on Dan’s eye drop
gay porn please? – “Yah”.
– “Yah”. “Yah?” (Christine)
All his eyes are blacked out. – I can’t believe there
was a whole meeting before I got here today,
like I was the problem– – You were the problem.
You were 100% the problem. – How do you figure that?
– You were the one that was putting on gay porn.
– It depe– circumstantial. – You were the one that was
making the staff watch gay porn. – Circumstantially, though.
– You’re the one that made… – We had the guy from
“Fright Night” did gay porn, hilarious.
– Yeah. – Tell me it wasn’t hilarious. We watched gymnastic
gay porn. We take a small break
from horrific, realistic problems in our…
– True. Listen, I w– I will actually back
your play on the gymnastic– – How about the day I came in
and I just said, hey, someone put in
the search engine right now “gay fart porn”,
and I’d say I don’t know if we’ve laughed
harder this year yet. – You know what, Jay?
I apologize. Sometimes the water splashes
on you and you feel like you’re the only one that’s wet,
but I realize you were just leading the ship
down the right way. Agh! “I’m blind!” – “Help!”
– Oh, what? – Jacob, welcome back, buddy.
– Jacob, welcome back. Jay’s mad at you
for saying that you– that he made you watch gay porn.
– (Jacob sighs) – I didn’t make you
do shit, Jacob. You could’ve walked th–
you look through your fingers like a fucking weirdo.
– (laughing) – Yeah, if you didn’t–
I mean, you’re so affected by it it makes me think
something happened to you or there’s something
you wanna tell us. – Jacob, were you
a male gymnast? – No, not that.
What happened? Someone put their
goddamn hands on you? – No, it’s– first of all,
I resent that this has just became me?
– It wasn’t, I– – Everyone said… (laughs)
They had their gay porn– – Yeah, but the problem was
I just pointed out to Dan all the fun and excitement
and show energy that gay porn has brought us
over the past few weeks. But I didn’t realize
you guys are against celebrating Pride Month,
I-I-I choose to observe it. – You know what?
I apologize, Jay, ’cause everyone knows in the room,
you are the biggest, I would say, ally
of the LBGTQA community. – Oftentimes condemned
by them, but I say am I the most– yeah.
– None of us have our fellow coworkers
watch gay porn. – Super liberal.
Jacob flat-out says gay sex is gross.
– Yeah, I’ve heard it called an “abomination” by him.
– Yeah, he can’t wait to go full-blown backwoods
and just carry a gun with the Westboro
Baptist Church people. – Oh, man. J– Jacob’s
second chapter of life is gonna be a weird one.
– “God hates fags”. You wouldn’t do it in front
of us either, would you? – Yesterday we brought up–
– Why does– why did Black Lou have
a problem with the gay porn? – Everyone did.
Every single person did. – The only person I’m seeing
have a problem here is Jacob and you, and you guys
keep passing the buck. – Lou, Black Lou– both Lous. Me and Jacob
were sitting there like, ooh, well, you know,
that was a lot. (Christine)
It’s a lot. – And Christine
just said it’s a lot. – Christine cannot wait for
more than one person to turn on me, and then
she just jumps with the oth– I think we’ve all seen that.
She is my enemy. – No, no, no,
I just have empathy. – (Dan) It is so funny though–
– She is my enemy. – Jay, it’s such
a foolproof thing on Christine that you can just use it
whenever, you know? Like, you can be like,
Chrstine’ll disagree and like, “and the second she gets
an opportunity.” Go ahead.
– There’s something from Monday that Black Lou and I
were baffled about that Christine said.
– Gay porn? Bring it up. – No.
– (laughter) – (moaning) – (making slurping sounds) – That’s the noise.
That’s the noise. – Lick, lick, lick.
– Yow, yow, yow, yow. – Ow! Ow! Ow!
– Um, what did Christine say? – Well, this was about
the short kings. – Mm-hmm.
– Oh, short kings. – (Lou) Great segment.
– It was great, but Christine gave this
impassioned speech how she said once
you get to know– she got to know a short guy,
she didn’t even think about it and, uh, it wasn’t an issue. And then you said,
“yeah, but if you were on a dating app, you’d put
six feet and above.” And she went, “oh yeah”.
– Yeah, absolutely. – (Christine) Yeah.
– So we didn’t– – Dating apps are for ideal.
– We were standing here afterward going what– what am I
supposed to take away from this? – That’s Christine’s
a piece of shit, dude. – (Dan) Christine…
– I’ve been telling you guys for four and a half years.
– …does not respect short men. She’ll turn on Jay,
she hates men that aren’t bigger than six f–
– She’s non-confrontational, wants you to feel better
about yourself, and then realness crept in
because she can’t keep anything going like that for too long,
and then just decided to hurt your feelings to let you
know she has the power. – Jay’s my enemy.
– Oh, man. You guys– you guys are
in a constant, uh, “Moonlighting” situation.
– I’ll destroy her. – Oh yeah?
– I’ll bring her– yeah, I’ll bring her down.
– I built you and I can destroy you.
– (Dan) Yeah. You guys are– you guys are like
an old Native American story where it’s like,
“In the sky there is a Jay “and a Christine, and while
they live and love together they also fight like the clouds
with the lightning.” – Oh, it’s been–
there hasn’t been a pleasant day in my house
in two months. – “Jay will play
his video games, “while Christine’s laugh,
like that of a hawk screeching down
on a rodent.” – Dude, our home life
is literally Nate’s joke. – Yeah, dude.
– “You go over here, I’m going over here.”
– Yeah. (laughing) – “What’s that, you using this?
All right, cool, thanks.” – That’s one of my favori–
– “Can you grab me that thing? Cool.”
– “‘Scuse me. ‘Scuse me. Excuse me.” – And then every once
in a while Christine goes, “I… in the middle
of everything, let’s just stop”,
and I’m like, no, I hate you. And she’s like,
“fuck you too”. And then it just starts
right over again. – (makes whirring sounds)
Get back into it? – And then somewhere in there
we go to work and… sleep. – Well, I’ll tell you this,
you guys slap it together for eight hours
enough this week, eight hours a week for us
not to think it’s– – You know? Gay porn.
That’s what got us through that. Gay. Porn. – She puts her hand
over your hand on your knee in the cab and she goes,
“Thanks for putting on that gay porn today.”
– Yeah. – “Really think it
brought us together.” – No one gets mad at you
playing gay porn. You never know what people
are gonna get mad at. – Well, yeah,
no one’s mad about– – The gay fart porn
really made me laugh. – That was hilarious.
That was so funny. – That made me laugh more
than any farts ever– – Guess whose idea that was.
Your enemy’s. – Fart cake.
– Um… – Someone told me
about fart cake. – Yeah, yeah, fat ladies
farting in cake? – That’s a thing?
– Mm-hmm. – Fat ladies
farting in cake? – (woman) Cake farts.
– Cake farts. – Fat ladies sitting on cake
and then farting. – And that’s just a–
you guys are talking about it like I don’t know about
the internet and it’s 1997. – Christine,
bring up cake farts. (laughter) – I’ve never– a fan,
a camper in Rochester told me about it
and I was like– – Well, h– he didn’t
reach out to me, probably figured you’re
the one who never has his finger on the pulse
of cake fart porn. – He definitely–
that’s why he said that to me. – Yeah, he didn’t even waste
his time texting me that. – He knows you’re
more progressive. – Oh, look at that.
A fat woman. Surprise, surprise.
– What’s this? All right. – Cake farting, Dan.
– Look at that dumper. – I’ll tell you what–
– She got a fat ass. – I don’t hate that ass
as much as I thought I would. – I love it.
(video playing)– I like the Italian music
in the back. – This is DJ Lou’s
new girlfriend. – (as Marlon Brando)
“This is– this is my daughter, Nicole Sansacelli.” – Oh, she’s gonna fart
on a slice. – Oh.
– Oh, well, you know what? She’s so fat, she’s not
gonna waste cake. – Hey, bye, cake. It looks like her butt’s
eating the cake… (overlapping chatter) (makes munching sounds)
Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie. – Wait, is she gonna fart?(video continues)(woman in video)
Can I buy this cake?
– Christine, is this–
did you just bring up “cake in the ass” porn
or is this cake farting? – It says “BBW chocolate cake
fart porn.” – All right, well,
you got all the keywords. – BBW chocolate cake
fart porn sounds like a great internet password.
– (laughter) – BBW chocolate cake
fart porn. – There’s no way an algorithm
will pick that up. – There is not a cha–
and when you’re done it’s gonna go
“great password”. – (laughter)
It says “gold medal”. – Yeah, it’s not even
green anymore. It just goes past green and goes
“this is un-fucking-real”. – “Unbelievable, how did you
think to put that in?” – All right, we gonna get
this girl farting on a cake? – ♪ We’re talking fart porn ♪ ♪ Ohh ♪(phone ringing in video)– This girl’s not fat–
– She have an office? – She’s not fat.
– (woman)Ooh, that’s cold.– “Ooh, it’s cold–”
– Her farts probably ain’t– –(breaking wind)
– Oh, you know, it wasn’t bad. (woman)
I should sit right in it.
– Hang on. –(breaking wind)
– (laughter) – If there isn’t a better… – (laughter continues) – Dude, this is–
– That was so much better than I thought. It is audio,
it’s great audio. – Let it– let it rip, lady. There isn’t a better–
– She’s trying, she’s trying. – There isn’t
a better representation of how well human beings
are doing. This is like…
– (Christine laughing) Than farting on cake.
– Just farting on– if you saw this in
a third-world country, you’d be like,
“Why are they doing this?” – Yeah, kids would kill
for a cake. Oh, she’s– she’s
at the end, Christine. Find someone who’s fresh.
– Yeah, I need someone with a full belly of farts.
– Yeah, this girl’s out of fart. – You have full belly,
good for fart. – Oh, a caller topic
we wanna have for today too. – Well, we had our
caller topic yesterday… – Yeah, it was great. Bar kids.
– …which was– which Christine said got
a lot more traction after the episode aired.
– Oh, if you got a great bar kids story,
by all means call in. 844-COMEDY9.
Also talking about– I was telling you a story
of a kid who got caught jerking off weird– that he
jerks off in a weird way because of him
making fun of somebody else. – Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was
a story of a friend of ours who said that the guy made fun
of his friend by being like “yeah, and he was all
jerking off like this.” – Yeah, yeah,
he goes– he goes “yeah, so-and-so’s
jerking off” and like, did the motion
like overhand– like, thumb… – Hilarious, yeah.
– …to your body. Which is a hilariously weird
way to jerk off. – “He was all jerking off”,
you’re just doing your fingers intertwined. “Yeah, he’s jerkin’ off
like this.” – I’ve done weird shit
in my life jerking off. I to– I said before, I fucked
a jar of Vaseline, stupidly, when I was young.
– You used to fuck Snack Packs. – No, no, no. A girl put
a Snack Pack on my dick. – You fucked a Snack Pack.
– That’s different, Dan. – You fucked a Snack Pack.
– I would tell you if I fucked a Snack Pack. I put a pencil up my butt once.
– What? What kinda pencil? Yellow number two?
– Number two. – With a– was it a firm
eraser or a soft eraser? – Uh, firm, but I went
flat graphite end. – Oh, you hate yourself.
– No, I’m just not gonna pu– that eraser just didn’t seem
like it was gonna be pleasant. I tell you what–
– Versus wood and lead? – Yeah, but you wet the area,
it’s gonna slide right in, dude. The outside of
the pencil slides. – Suck on that eraser–
– That paint slides. No, that eraser–
that eraser’s pulling fucking ass meat inside.
– That metal. – Forget the metal.
An eraser’s too grippy. It’s gonna grab
your asshole on the way in. – Maybe I want to be wanted.
– (laughter) That doesn’t even make sense
but I love the words. Um, so we wanna say anyone–
and girl or guy, I’d like to hear
from everybody here. Or other.
– ♪ Girl or guy ♪ – It’s Pride Month.
Or other, tell me if you have ever caught–
or yourself pers– preferably it’s
your own story, of an odd way
that you masturbate. Christine says she used to go
face down on the bed, but I’ve heard
a lot of women say that. – Yeah.
– I’ve heard that’s not even that weird,
almost like– even with the same like,
palm-up, thumb kind of across– – ♪ Palm up, thumbs down ♪ ♪ That’s the way
we like to fuck… ♪ – I’ve heard it from
a bunch of chicks. Like, that’s the way they do it.
– I felt better after doing this show revealing
that I first masturbated by wrapping boxers
around my penis and then just humping it
until I came. – You shouldn’t have felt
better about it– – Blasting loads.
– You should’ve felt– – (moans)
Creampie in boxers. (moaning)
– I think– Shane told me I should really fuck my… that I should fuck
my fleshlight that’s been sitting there forever.
– Wait, Shane’s pro-fleshlight? – Pro-fleshlight.
You’ve fleshlighted. – I fleshlighted once
in that hotel at Moontower. – Yeah.
– It felt weird. – I–
– It felt weird because– – Did it feel weird
’cause it felt great? – It felt– it didn’t feel
good enough to not just jerk off the regular way.
– I can’t even picture a positive feeling
sticking your dick into, uh, rubber.
– Wet– lubed up rubber. – Yeah.
– And also when you’re doing it, you feel like
a serial killer. Yeah, that.
You’re like, what am I do– I mean, that guy’s got
a piece on him. – Damn, good for him, huh?
– (porn sound effects playing) – That’s so funny.
– Yeah, well, this guy fucks fleshlights
professionally… – Pull it back, though.
Pull it back, though. This guy’s level of
horniness to do this. – (Jay imitates man moaning)
– He’s like– all right, he’s– I can tell by his stomach
that he’s a regular guy and he’s just like,
“this’ll be hot.” – And he’s definitely making
this video for a chick. – Yeah, and then he’s gonna cum
and he’s gonna be like, “what the fuck was I doing?”
– Oh yeah, for sure. – That’s a video that ri–
– When he’s rinsing that out in the sink, for sure.
– Yeah, he goes “what the fuck?” Because it’s this,
it’s the audio. (imitates man moaning)(man moaning in video)– Jacob, look. Jacob, look.
(moaning continues)– Jacob! Jacob, look!
– Ohh! – Jacob. Jacob. Jacob, look.
– (man in video)Oh yes!– Jacob!
– I’m looking! What do you want me to do?
– Jacob, look! Oh, man. Oh, look how cloudy
his jizz is. (overlapping chatter) Jacob, look!
– (Dan) Can I ask a q– – Jacob, look, picture it.
Oh, I bet it’s so salty. – It’s reflecting off of
five wind– glass windows, you can’t not look.
– (Dan) Yeah, you can cut it. – (video stops)
– What is– I’m wondering– – Boomerang it.
Play it back again. – (Dan makes rewinding sound) Why didn’t he just
cum in the fleshlight? – ‘Cause then you gotta
clean it out. – Yeah, you still gotta clean
it out, still got lube in it. What’re you gonna let
the lube gunk up? You get lube resin?
– I don’t think that’s what happens with lube.
– It just stays… – No, I think it
just re-lubes, yeah. (Jacob)
I haven’t had a hot dog in decades.
– Yeah, that just seems– oh, more fart cake porn.
– (Christine) I think this is blowing out candles
with a fart. – Nothing wrong with that.
– Heyy! – Oh my God, you gotta
back that up and turn that up.(breaking wind)(Dan)
He didn’t aim it right. (laughter) – I like that little look
at the end, fuckin’… – Oh, man, you see
the butthole move? – Butthole moving
is a pretty hilar– –(breaking wind)
– Dude, when you see girls in porn that can
control their ass, it’s the funniest thing ever. You see they get
their buttholes gaped and then they go like– and
they just make it like, wink. It is so weird, so weird.
– Yeah, well, they just had– – Christine, go to my Favorites.
It’s so w… – “Oh my God”. – Uh, Sal has a weird
jerk story. We’ll take that and then
we’ll take our first break and then let people think about if they wanna admit
these things. Sal, you’re on
“The Bonfire”. –Crackle, crackle.
– Crackle, crackle, dude. – Crackle, crackle.
All right, this is weird.Uh, when I– when I first
started masturbating
as a child, I didn’t really
know what I was doing.
But you remember like,
when you were in music class
and you would get
the percussion instrument.
It was like a stick.
– Yeah, you g– the recorder. –No, no, no, it was like–
– Percussion. –It was like a wooden block
with like, ridges,
and you rub the stick over it.
– Yep, yep. – Yeah, okay, I know
what you’re talking about. –So that’s kinda how
I would jerk off,
with my knuckles
over my underwear.
Like, really fast.
– So you would– you would like, that’s like an ape jerk.
You’d be like… (grunting) – You’d just kinda work
the top of it. –Yeah, like, I– like,
it was– yeah, I don’t know.
I don’t even know
how to describe it.
– Would you go left–
this is just so I can get th– the proper technique. Was it left hand
or right hand? –Right hand.
– Right hand, knuckles. And you make a fist, right?
Yeah.– And then you put
the top of the hand– do you put the top of the fist
against your dick or do you put
the knuckles against– –Yeah, the knuckles.
– Weird. So you’re basi– your palm’s facing up. –No, my palm is facing down.
– I got it. You tittyfuck your knuckles.
– (Jay) Yeah. You tittyfuck your knuckles,
is how you used to jerk off. –Yeah, but it was like,
har– you know, it was like
hard knuckles, it was like–
– Hard. –I can’t even explain it.
– Hard knuckles lead to a hard man.
– I’m sorry you hated your own penis so much, Sal.
– I mean, yeah, when you started jerking off
with your hand, you’re like “what a better way
to treat myself”? – I gotta tell ya,
my masturbation position has– whether it be chair or bed,
is just sitti– it’s like, back. – You just lean back?
– Leaning back and jerking o– I don’t understand…
– You don’t get my standing. – Christine, you’re back,
and then when you were younger,
stomach, right? You ever try like, a side?
Just like, throw a leg up in the air
and side throw it? I mean like, no, right?
Why would you? – Just a side kick. Ha!
– I’ve never tried another position ever.
– What about standing? – Swap hands. Standing’s ha–
– (Christine) I’ve thought… – I’ve done it standing before,
and I don’t like it. But i– in a moment
where you’re like this is the pl–
where it’s gonna happen. – Yeah.
– Yeah. – I thought possibly like,
it’d make me more fun in bed if I could try to cum
in different ways, but it just seemed
so tedious and hard to even like, want to try.
– Yeah, that’s a lot of focus. – Yeah, a girl
masturbating in do– I get laying on your stomach,
but masturbating doggystyle’s pretty weird.
– It’s gotta be hilarious. It’s like you’re constantly
reaching for something. – (laughter)
– “Got it, got it.” – “There it is.”
– (overlapping chatter) – Your tongue’s kinda like… – (both grunting) – “I got it, got it, got it.”
– “Got it. I got her. I got her.”
– When girls send like, dirty videos of them
mastur– which is weird. It’s like, new to me
over the last, you know, five years.
– Yeah. – And I’m like, nobody
like, actually cums like, the way they
show themselves being sexy. Like, it’s r– it’s rare
a girl will actually like, show a video of her cumming
’cause it’s generally not what people think–
people think is sexy. – Yeah, it’s just her
making a squished face. Being like “here it comes”. – There’s a whole genre of porn
that’s just cum– girls, their faces
while they’re cumming. – I l– it’s like, it’s my
Goog– it’s my search, but… – The faces?
– …when girls are trying to be sexy to men, they don’t
send them like, cumming. They send like,
whatever they think… you know, whatever,
them grazing one finger or two fingers…
– Ohh. – I send slo-mo cumshots
up into the air. – (both making slo-mo
whooshing sounds) – Each time it hits. – (both continue making slo-mo
whooshing sounds) The vid– yeah.
– Oh, let’s– should we take one more call before
we go to break here? ‘Cause we have Kate in D–
we have a male and female. Thank you for the call, Sal.
Crackle, crackle, dude. Kate in DC.
Kate, you there? –Yeah, I’m here.
– You masturbated weir– – All right, I’m sorry, Kate,
why are you upset? – She wasn’t upset at all.
– Her tone? The way she picked up, she went
“yeah, I’m here, what?” – I’m sorry, Kate,
Dan’s ready to pounce always. – No, I’m just asking
a question, Jay. It’s a quick fucki–
– Dan’s pissed off ’cause now he regrets making
the– vetoing gay porn in the studio,
now he wishes we had it. – (Dan) What?
– I’m saying you’re sad about it so now you’re lashing out
at people. – Jay just likes to turn
on me on Wednesdays. – Kate. Kate, what’s go–
you had a weird… you masturbated or you knew
somebody who masturbated weird? –No, it was– it was me.
And like Sal,
I didn’t know, really,
what I was doing.
But, um, I would lean on
like, table corners
and like, desk corners.
– Yeah. –But I didn’t know
what I was doing,
so, um, like sometimes,I would do it in public
when I was a kid.
(chuckling)Now obviously I know
what, you know,
was going on down there,
it’s so embarrassing.
– You’d go get your jollies
by just humping the si– like, the corner of a table?
Yeah, yeah.– I get it, I get it,
and good for you. – Isn’t that bit–
isn’t that a little… what’s the– it’s like,
sharp and blunt? Like, very hard.
Very rigid thing– would you try to find
the rounded tables? Like, maybe
an old metal desk? –Like a– yeah,
like a rounded like,
kinda, you know…mashed wood, laminat–
I don’t know,
I would just kinda like
prop it up on the corner…
– “Prop it up” is
a hilarious way to put it. You put your clit
on top of the corner. – She goes “let me prop
this bad boy up.” –Basically, yeah.
– Would you get caught in– you’d get caught in school
doing that? –I… don’t think so.
No one ever caught me in p–
– She goes “but everyone
asked me to prom.” – (laughter)
– She goes “no one caught me. I went to both junior
and senior prom, twice.” – “Nobody caught me, but I run
through coffee tables like a motherfucker.”
– “They used to call me the wood chipper.”
– (laughter) – (makes buzzing sound)
– How old was the last time you masturbated
from desk fucking? –(laughing)
Probably like…
probably like eight.
– Oh, so you haven’t gave it a run at like, 28,
like at the office? Where you go “let me just
bust off a piece of this corner real quick”?
No, definitely not.– And then you just went–
and what made you sw– you just went to the classic
laying on your back? –I… yeah, essentially.
– What’s the– what made you make the shift? You saw it?
I guess– I think…– Society, man, society.
– You moved– did you move and they forgot to deliver
your furniture? – Society’s not ready for us to masturbate in new
and creative ways. I wanna go b– I’m gonna go back
to creampieing boxers. – (laughter) –Yeah, you know?
Absolutely.
It’s just that
childlike behavior.
I didn’t know what I was doing,
and it just felt good.
And then I did it,
and then…
I don’t know,
I just stopped.
– Kate’s gonna masturbate
right now. She’s getting so worked up
thinking about it. – She’s goes “I don’t know,
it’s just like, “I would come in and there
would just be new desks “’cause it’d be August,
and we’d be in those summer clothes…”
– First day of school, she’s shaving her pussy
getting ready for it. – She goes “I go in”,
and she’s like… – “Room full of desks”. – “Derek’s not there that day,
but I can smell…” (laughter) – Did everyone here–
like, did you guys all hump prepubescent?
– Yeah! – Is that just something
that like, all kids do and nobody talks about it,
or is it weird? – I don’t remember humping.
– Because I got caught doing– like, I would get caught
for that stuff. Like, mine started on
an exercise bicycle like, laying upside down
on an exercise bike, and just kinda like,
swinging around and it happened. – What kinda tantric monkey
fuckin’ humping were you doing? – Christine would have–
Christine would crank the pedals on an exercise bike
and put her clit on the wheel. – She goes…
(makes buzzing sound) – Yeah, fucking
table sawing her clit. – She’s like– and goes–
– (makes buzzing sound) – Her dad goes upstairs,
he goes “I don’t know what to tell you,
I mean, she’s creative.” – (laughter)
– She goes “she has a whole pulley system.”
– “She’s got rubber burns all over her clit hood.”
– “It just smells like burned rubber,
our baby girl down there.” – (laughter)
– I told you when I was humping
the couch, right? In my grandma’s apartment
in San Francisco. – Last month.
– N– yeah, last month. And was like
“Nana, go back upstairs.” She goes “but it hurts.”
– “Doing somethin’.” – “Go upstairs!”
– “I need help.” – (laughter) “I can’t get on the bed.” I go “go on,
get out of here.” – “Nana, I’m doing something!” – B– best
“Chappelle’s Show” sketch. “Grandmamma, no!”
– “No!” – When keepin’ it real
goes wrong. Uh, no, but back in the–
this is when my grandma lived in Marin,
and we were watching– I think it was like,
a Thanksgiving Day parade. It was a parade,
and Loni Anderson– I’ve told this story
on the show. – Loni Anderson, oh,
she was the grand marshal? – L– she was broadcasting.
She was like, the host of it? – So funny.
– And I was just humping the couch
looking at Loni Anderson. – Big ol’ titties.
– Yeah, and I remember just going…
dude, I can’t– I can’t believe you don’t
remember this. I was looking
at the TV and I go “You’re so loony, Loni.”
– (laughter) – That’s the line
that locked you in? – That was the first time
I remember talking dirty. – (Christine laughing)
“You’re so loony, Loni.” – I was like seven and I was
just like “yeah, yeah…” – I’m telling you,
we all have– what I– the funniest thing to hear…
– Yeah. – …would be everybody
in this room’s, the noise you make when you
cum alone masturbating. – Oh my God.
(grunting) – Yeah, I– no mat–
it doesn’t matter if I’m in a vacant
fucking hotel. – Yeah.
– I-I still hold back. – Yeah.
– (soft grunting) – Yeah, I go…
(soft grunting) “There we go, there we go,
there we go, there we go…” – You talk it out?
That would be fucking great. – “Here it comes.”
– “It’s happening, it’s hap–” – I-I have.
“Oh, it’s happening. Yep.” – Nuh-uh.
– Yeah, I think I have. I definitely have.
(porn video playing)– Have you talked through
cumming with a girl? – Uh, like, well, I–
if I’m gonna cum on her. – No, but if you cum on her,
while you’re cumming– – Oh, no, no, no,
once I start cumming it’s over. – You do like, the “yeah,
covering your face.” – No, no, no–
– “Love it!” – No, I meant like, leading up,
like “I’m gonna cum.” – “Fuckin’ love it so hard.
I’m cum so hard, you love it.” – No, I do more
“oh, that was a good one, that was a better one,
that one wasn’t as good.” – That’s hilarious.
– No, I don’t do that. I said I’m gonna– I said I–
I say like, I’m gonna cum. – Oh yeah, I announce too, yeah.
– I announce, but then… (Christine)
“I announce”. Announcing is nice.
– Announcing is a nice tou– you’re like,
“I’m gonna cum.” I heard– I heard there’s dudes
that don’t announce. – I can’t believe that.
– I had a guy– I had a guy specifically–
I’m very much like, cum anywhere, not in me.
– Yeah. – Anywhere but in me.
– Says that to everybody– – I mean, what a sentence to say
after stomping out a cigarette. (exhales)
“Don’t cum in me, all right?” – But, you know, it’s a way
to keep it, you know, try to keep it sexy
and like, don’t cum in me. And I had a guy not announce,
cum inside me, and it was– I never
felt more violated– – Yeah.
– By anything sexually than a guy cumming inside me
when I told him not to. Because then I’m like, you’re
making a decision for us now. Like, you now have to go
get a plan B, you now have
to take care of this, and it’s something…
– You couldn’t tell when he was done?
– Oh, I could tell. It was like– it was like,
it was too late once it was happening
and then it was done, and the laugh-off of it
was mortifying. (overlapping chatter) – Jay helped me realize a lot of
these guys weren’t my friends. – I don’t kn– I don’t know
if you hear her, Christine, but Kate in DC is rubbing up
against a desk right now. – She goes “what’s this
office desk doing?” She goes “what’re you
doing here alone?” – “Hey, little sticky desk.”
– She hits on desks. – “Sticky little desk.”
– Like it’s porn. She goes “what’re you doing
here so late, desk? – “What’s up?” – “I guess it’s just
me and you, desk.” – “You sleep here?
That’s weird.” – (smooth jazz playing)
– “You know, I find corners to be irresistible.”
– (laughter) – No, thanks
for calling in, Kate. We’re gonna take
our first break. We’re gonna be right back.
Again, if you have any weird masturbation stories,
844-COMEDY9. – Weird style.
– Weird style. Shaolin. Shadowboxing. – (imitates swords clanging) – And the dry humping styles
of Dan Soder. I’m a happy camper.
– What is this? Oh, more cake farts? Please.
– (Christine) Yeah. Travis DM’ed this and said
he thinks is what you were looking for.
– (Dan) Top shelf. – Cake farts.
– Cake farts.– (woman speaking indistinctly
in video)
– Okay. Get it, girl. Fartin’ on cakes.
Fartin’ on cakes. Fartin’, fartin’,
fartin’ on cakes. Fartin’ on cakes.
Fartin’ on cakes. – She’s hot.
– Yeah, she is. –(breaking wind)
– Yeah! –(breaking wind continues)
– I’m just telling you, this girl’s
a cake fart 11. – (laughter) Wouldn’t be surprised–
– Do you think the spongy cake like, terrycloth
holds the smell? – Oh, look at that.
I wanna eat her butt. –(breaking wind)
– (screams) – Please rewind that. Dan,
you need to control yourself because that’s gotta
be something we have clean. –(breaking wind)
– I mean, her butt is– – Here it goes.
Full of cake. And… release. –(woman breaking wind)
Ohh…
– Surprisingly,
cake didn’t get on the inside of her butthole.
– I love it. It looked like– it looked like
she stuck her tongue out. Right here…
(squeaking) –(breaking wind)– (squeaks)
(breaking wind)– Yeah, she’s out.
Tank’s empty. – It looks like an alien.
If you go “what is it saying?” – Gotta put more–
– “It’s saying more cake”. – “More cake.” – (makes kissing sounds) – Yeah.
(whistles) – (both whistling) – She’s got a fucking
fat dumper on her. (Christine)
…up on a counter with the cake on her ass.
– It just pulls back, it’s me sitting on the table
going “that was great, Alyssa.” – Yum.
– That was great. I think we got it.
– Hey, can I get some of that icing
off your snizz? – Also, why do you have
every methamphetamine addict’s tattoo on your left arm?
– Which– which one is it? – Look, you’ll see it.
– Oh, well, she also has the teeth of a meth addict.
– Yeah. – And also the career.
Farting on cakes? – She goes “hey, it’s me,
the fart que– I mean…” (Christine)
Definitely a drug money career. – Oh hell yeah.
– (Dan) No, look at that. – “So what? I’ll just go
and I’ll fart on some cakes, and I’ll do what I do.”
– “Oh my God, Derek, “you’re acting like
it’s a thing. I fart on cakes.”
– “Yo, I’m loyal to you, “I’m faithful to you
and everything so I fart on cakes
in front of that one guy.” – “I’m still a good mother.
I’m still a good mother and I’m a good girlfriend.”
– I can already tell you, I just know this isn’t
anything professional. This is a guy convinced
this local idiot girl who wants to be a model that
this is the way to go about it. And he offered her–
I bet she’s making minimal hundreds of dollars
to do this. – Let ‘er rip.
– (Christine) Did he force her? – No, he didn’t
force her at all. –(breaking wind)
– Do you think that’s store bought?
(video playing)– Do you think
that’s store bought cake? – Yeah, for sure.
– I don’t know, maybe– – I almost say it’s fondant
in the way it’s coming off… – Here it comes.
(makes breaking wind sound) – I’d almost say
that could be fondant because of the way it’s coming
off in one piece like that. And I don’t like that, that’s
like the Hostess frosting. I don’t like that.
– Yeah, here it comes. Here it is.
(whistling) –(breaking wind)– Man, blew the cake
right off her asshole. – Poo… (whistles)
What is it saying? More cake. – That’s the aftershock
we all wanted. – (clapping rhythmically)
♪ Gloria, Gloria ♪ – I love that Keanu Reeves
doesn’t touch chicks. Wait, I th– I swear I was
gonna time that with a fart. – I love fart porn.
– I love that he respects women.
(makes breaking wind sound) – (as Keanu Reeves)
“I respect women and I love cake porn.
Cake fart porn.” – A guy named Sway
in New York– it couldn’t possibly be Sway–
has two jerk off stories. – DJ Sway from MTV–
– There’s no way it’s DJ Sway. – MTV News, DJ Sway.
– Sway? –Yo, what’s up?
Crackle, crackle.
– Sup, player?
Crackle, crackle. I’m talking to him hip hop
in case it’s Sway Sway. – It’s not Sway Sway.
– I know, but I’m– just in case it is.
Yo, dawg. –Yo, man.
Yeah, I actually–
I actually ran you’s down
in the truck just yesterday.
– Oh! I told Dan about that.
– Yeah. – The guy was in a truck
on our block and he yelled
“crackle, crackle.” – Yeah.
– Hell yeah. Then I’d suffice to say,
it is not Sway from MTV. – But…
No.– …it is a guy that you
told a story about yesterday. – But Sway…
– That’s pretty cool. – …you have two diff–
are you catching other people jerking off weird,
or are you jerking off weird? –No, this is me
jerking off weird.
Uh, and one of them wasn’t
even really jerking off.
But so yeah,
so the first one
is I was in the backyard
playing around,
I think I was maybe
about six or seven, right?
And I had recently seen
an episode of “Power Rangers”.
– Yeah.
Where there was kinda like–like a breakdancing
circle going on.
– Yeah!
So there was a bunch of like,you know, young, hot,
you know, people,
and I thought that
was what was sexy.
So I’m standing in
the backyard,
I just all of a sudden
stop from playing,
look down, and I was about
to recreate the scene.
So I say to myself,
out loud, by myself I say
it’s time to get funky.
– (laughter) –So I pull down my shorts,
right, just naked to the wind,
and I think I was about
to start dancing or something.
But right there, my mother
looked out the window
and started screaming at me
“what the hell are you doing?”
– Did she tackle you?
– That’s so funny. I bet your mom heard
and saw so much more than you’re giving her
credit for, that she heard you go
“let’s get funky” and you took your pants off
and she’s like, “oh, Sway’s gonna be
a party boy.” – Yeah. “Oh Christ, Sway,
get the fuck in this house.” – “Oh my God,
you have a libido like I’ve never
seen before.” “It’s time to get funky!”
– (laughter) – Just wagging
his little dick around. “It’s time to get funky time!”
– “It’s funky time.” By the way, six degrees
of separation here. Do you know that one
of the Power Rangers went on to do…
– Gay porn. – Gay porn, everybody.
– (Christine) Really? Which one? – Yeah, bring it up. (overlapping chatter) Don’t you wanna believe
that the Ranger– – I believe you, I completely
take your word for it. – You believe me.
I’m sorry it’s not a person
farting on pastries, Dan. – It’s hilarious.
That’s hilarious. – Why isn’t that funnier
than a Power Ranger getting crammed in the shitter?
– Hi, Nick. Thank you for bringing up
cake fart. Hi, Nick Owens.
– (Christine) And also– – Look at that–
by the way, he got– that was the moment
he told me. You can see it on my face
that I was like, wait, that’s a real thing? – Dan, you’re getting
a little friendly with that arm around
his shoulder, by the way. – I’m not touching him.
I’m not touching him… – You’re making people
get like, uncomfortable. – I never t– I never
touch my male fans. – Oh, I do.
I go in for it, dude. I try to f– see if I can
tickle their dick from under their butt.
– Ooh, Jay, now, who’s this? (Christine)
Sierra Skye Calvin Klein Ad. – Oh my God! Play it!
Oh my God! What is th–
Jacob, how you doing? You all right?
We lost you? – We really shoul–
– Oh man! Come on, look at that bottom! You think she’d far–
how much do you think it would cost to get Sierra Skye
to do cake fart porn? – We can ask our friend
Roman Colombo. – RoMo! Roman!
Roman’s gotta unblock us– – She doesn’t ha–
does she have to have her asshole to the wind, though?
Or can she just– – No, she can cover it up.
– Okay, she can. – Yeah, of course.
– Okay, okay, all right. Well, Sway, thank you
for the call, buddy. Local pornographer Corey. Did you always just
jerk off just classic style? – You’ve been in the business
a long time. – Always classic style smack?
– (Lou) Grab whatever mic you want, you dirty bird. – (laughter) – Thanks for soliciting
my opinion on this. – Jay wants to– I mean,
you’re a professional. – You think I’ll ever get to
talk about anything on the show besides like, dicks
and squirting? – (laughter) – We used to
be heavy political, but the country’s divided.
– Yeah, yeah. I don’t wanna get in the middle
of some kind of a war. – We used to be mostly
tariffs and taxations. But now it’s…
it’s jerk styles. – Rob in Denver.
This is one of my fav– I’m gonna… we don’t even
have to take the call, ’cause this is just
a great thing. I don’t even need to–
Rob, this is a fantastic answer,
though, by the way. I just wanna make sure we can
catch up here on the show. You used to jerk off to
How To Find a Lump pamphlets. That’s hilarious.
– Wow! – Jerking off to the nudity
in a fucking– something showing you
how to find cancer? That is so funny,
finding that in the darkness. – Pamphlet jerking.
– Yeah, I absolutely fully– I get that more than–
– No, you don’t. – Comic books. Absolutely.
– Oh, well, you see a titty. – Yeah.
– But you see a… look at that, eh?
Look a– look at the shlong
on that guy. Soft. That’s a good soft hang. Tell me that’s
not a good soft hang. – It’s a fantastic soft hang. Most of that’s
inside my body. – Well, just think of that. You’re having
a long hang inside. – Oh, inside? Yeah, my hang
goes all the way to my tailbone. – (laughter)
– That’s what I picture. Got a 17-inch dick.
– Yeah, it’s crazy. – It’s nuts.
– Imagine if you woke up– – It goes “oh,
you’re measuring– “oh, you’re using
the American way where you go from the–
from the pelvis.” – What if it burrowed out?
What if you woke up one day and it burrowed out?
– Wouldn’t that be great? – No, I think you–
I think you’d find having a 17-inch penis
very uncomfortable. – Oh, you think
all 17’s coming out? – No, I’d probably say 12.
Leave 5 in as an anchor. – Mm-hmm.
– That’s uncomfortable. – I’d take life
with a 12-inch dick. – That’s an uncomfortable
amount of cock. – I’ll take the second half
with it. – You’d ride out
a second half with 12 inches? – Did the first half
with a dick that makes me feel
insecure all the time. Be nice to walk around
with one that my insecurity is I hope you can handle this. I hope you’re woman enough
to be able to accept all of me. – (lion roaring sound effect)
– You would be– you’d be– if you woke up
with a 12-inch dick, I feel like you’d
be very aggressive… – Mm-hmm.
– …towards all of us. – Every one of you.
– I-I think you’d be like– – The show– the name
of the show would be changing to “The Big Jay Show”.
– Yeah, “The Big Jay Show with Tiny Dick Dan Soder.”
– And it’ll be like, why Big Jay? And I’ll…
(thumps table) – Yeah, they’d go “Jay…”
– (lion roaring sound effect) – “…again, legal department
has talked to you about it, “you pulling out your soft cock
like you’re Milton Ber– Milton Berle does not work.” – So just all of you know–
– What is that?! – Thank God for my little dick.
– What is that? Those are titties?
– That’s what’s happening inside of a titty
if there’s no skin. – Stop it.
– What’s your problem with that? – Are those fucking bunches
of firecrackers? – You don’t c– you didn’t know
that inside of a titty is a pack of Red Rats?
– (laughter) – I didn’t know
Swedish Fish were titties. – That’s all they are, dude. They so great?
Is that what’s so great? Is that what you love
so much, titties? Just all it is, dude.
– I love boobs. I love my little packs
of Hot Tamales. (laughter) (makes munching sounds)
– You’re really fucking… – (munching sounds continue)
– Fucking Red Hots. – That was very disarming
to see that. – (Christine) It’s unsettling.
– Yeah, the fact that that guy
can nut to that is… – Is there a skinne– is there
a skinned dick picture at all? – Yeah, do an unskinned dick,
’cause… – (laughter)
– (groans) This is gonna be tough.
– Yeah, I mean, titties was tough,
I love titties. – Unskinned dick.
You think it still has like, the helmet bump?
– Yeah. – Yeah?
– Yeah, I think it’s go– – You don’t think
the helmet bump’s part– – I don’t think you lose
the firefighter helmet. – I think you might.
– I don’t think your helmet comes of–
I don’t think you return– I don’t think you
“Return of the Jedi” it. – I think it’s gonna
look like fuckin– you know, like fuckin’
a horse dick when it’s soft,
just like, flopped in. – (as Darth Vader)
Take off my mask. (both screaming) (screaming continues) Oh God, who took the top–
they left the helmet on, we don’t even know
the answer to our question! It was all for nothing.
– It looks like an uncooked rib. (laughter)
– Ohh! – All right, we’re good.
– (sputtering) – And there’s so much
more blood! – Ugh!
– Christine, can you find a diagram
the way that one was? I don’t think I wanna look
at a skinned cock. – Can you find cock autopsy?
(mock screams) Just keep asking for
worse and worse things. Can you see someone touching
with salty hands? – (all screaming)
(man in video screaming)– (all imitating
man screaming) – I’m the favorite.
– You guys want some handjobs? – Oh no. Oh, what? Oh… Oh, you think I– oh no! – You… dumbass. (rhythmic clapping,
snapping fingers) – That was so good, we almost
drew over an Asian girl. – Yeah, we almost
won her from her family. – “I know. I know how to do.” – “Hand dance.” ♪♪ (Jay)
Oh, it’s always the same sort of terrifying. Always.
We’re always in it. Crackle, crackle, dude.
– (man) I heard that. – (chuckling) – Oh, I mean– that–
I don’t know if that freaked me out
even more. She’s like, “yeah,
that’s the one. That’s the one
to worry about.” You’re like…
(nervous chuckle) (Jay)
It always bounces. (overlapping chatter) – Come on in, dude.
– (woman) Is that that… – The long jump? Yeah.
– (woman) Yeah. (overlapping chatter) (Christine)
We got the camera, we’re fine. – We hope it gets stuck.
– (laughter) – I’m just saying,
I’m drinking coffee, I’m gonna have to pee.
– (Jay) We’re doing on-the-street porn.
Girls, seduce this man. – (laughter) – “Welcome to Bang-vator.” – I don’t–
I don’t know that series. (overlapping chatter,
laughter) – “You ever rode an elevator
and banged a pretty lady? Is that what we’re
about to do?” – “You got 36 floors to finish.” – “Your ears are gonna pop
and so is…” (laughter) – “Your ears ain’t the only
thing popping in Bang-vator.” – “Yeah, welcome to Bang-vator.” – (laughter) – “Welcome to
the Bang-vator.” – And… a safe ride.
See, we distracted ourselves. (overlapping chatter,
laughter) Jacob’s gone,
God knows where he is. God rest his soul. (Jay)
He loves the Bang-vator. (overlapping chatter) – “So I’m the male talent
for this scene.”

97 thoughts on “Cake Farting Porn Is Sweeping the Nation – The Bonfire w/ Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder

  1. THERE IT IS. ❤❤❤I was having a fit thinking we were gonna get fucked out of an episode today!!!

  2. Comedy central is awesome, great inspiration. "Cake farting Porn!" Craziest thing I've ever heard of. There's one way to make my channel go viral. Blah ha ha ha…right! No, I think I'll pass. Lol

  3. Big mistake not having Tom Segura and Christina p on this ep still hilarious but would have been way more funny with them

  4. all you guy's need to be hard BUTT FUCKED….watching hard core gay Zombie Porn *[ real thing ] – hahahahahahahahahahahah…🦖💨

  5. the hardest i laugh at a (bit of) a podcast, still keep em high n tight and try not to be a cudda.

    whys the women behind dan get no shout outs because damn she sexy

  6. 26:00 watch the blonde chick behind Dan be captivated by his solo-orgasm-noise story, then look away in disappointment when he says he's kidding

  7. you guys are so funny and handsome! lol wish there was more of you on the youtube for me to jack it strangely to.

  8. Sebastian voice

    You’re telling me fat chicks are farting into slices of chocolate cake??

    Ehhwhhyy would you
    Do that?

  9. More. Bonfire. Please! Don't make me type in all caps, Comedy Central. Ain't scared to look at you in that tone of voice 🗣️👀🗯️.. More Jan & Day 🖤🤼 Dan, take me on a date to pitch horseshoes or play the quarter machine at the nearest truck stop. We can bond over our dad's named Gary. Get this… My brother's name is Jay. 🤯😘

  10. MY FUCKING DUDE SAL! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY PSYCHO WHO USED TO BEAT MY SHIT LIKE THAT!😭😭😭😂😂😂

  11. I have always wanted to ask a comedian about their specials that are played on CC. There is always some Asshat that is laughing so obnoxiously in the background. It sounds so fake. It sounds like they know that the show is being taped and they want to be heard on the recording. So do comedians believe that it is real laughter? Or that it’s fake? No offense to Becky Rodriguez, ( love her) but her laugh in the back when she first started with taking pics of the show, sounded like that. Just wondering if anyone else hears the same thing.

  12. Legion of Skanks this week was discussing the Dark web, trying to buy underage sex slaves and crack from the black market online

    The Bonfire was talking about farts…

    Comedy central is so safe its sad

  13. What's with all these weird 8 year old masturbators? Am I the only one that didn't try it until I was a teenager?

  14. Full Episodes.. I’ll watch every single one.. I fucking love you guys(no homo) (but if you fantasize about gay porn there isn’t a damn thing wrong with it) (it’s not for me, but don’t be scared) and Sean Fury should call in at least once a month.

  15. The Casting Counter. Just a cake sitting on a counter, and a guy convinced a girl to seduce the cake and fart on it.

  16. I think the guy fucking the flesh light is lov3r little pussy on pornhub I can tell by his moans lol he Jack's off on a train lol

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